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Stressed Newbie :-( - Carers UK Forum

Stressed Newbie :-(

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone,

Thank you for having me here!

As the titles says, I'm stressed! I'm caring for my mum, she has mental health problems and suffered a stroke 3 years ago which has just increased the symptoms of her mental health. I live with her, not through choice but through emotional blackmail. I love my mother dearly but long for some independence (i'm aware how selfish this sounds), I have a wonderful partner of 5 years who I'm desperate to live with but can't.

I'm 28 and don't ever recall having a 'normal' life like my peers, it's begining to take it's toll. My mother has always had a social worker for as long as i can remember, but earlier this year, out of the blue social services decide they will no longer have input Image I contacted them to find out why, they tell me it's because caseloads are high and they don't feel that she is getting any benefit from their input any longer. I explained to them 'what about me?', telling them how nasty, spiteful and hurtful she is to me on times, how I feel she wants to keep me prisoner and tries to prevent me leaving the house - the response from the head of adult services "move out, you'll feel better because if you don't you'll end up on my caseload in a few years time'.

I feel so isolated, 'friends' don't call anymore as i'm always that person who cancels or doesn't show Image How my partner sticks around i'll never know.

We've just found out my mum has to start dialysis in the coming months, I'm worried what this will do to her but i'm also increasingly worried what impact this will have on my (lack of) life also.

I don't mean to sound pathetic or spiteful, I love my mother and would move heaven and Earth for her, I just wish she would allow me to do that and balance some time for me in there.

Thanks for listening to me moan Image
Hi Welcome to the forums.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, you dont sound selfish at all, and its good to come on here and let some of it out.
I have no advice but wanted to welcome you .

Tracey x
Hello and welcome Image
hi cat lady wellcome you are certenly in a dificult situation sombody mite give you help on here take care mate i wish you luck
Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum.

Karen
Welcome Catlady, glad you found the forum.

I'm fairly new to the world of social services but the head of adult services sounded as helpful as a chocolate teapot! What if you did pack your bags and move out, what care package was he going to provide for your Mum? Bet he didn't tell you that? So ignoring that suggestion, which you must have done already. How about asking for a Carer's Assessment? That's an assessment to help you care for your Mum - now don't take that the wrong way no critisim intended - but that would be your opportunity to tell them that you need respite/a break from caring.

Friends - yep you definitely work out who the good ones are, they stick around and try and understand.

And of course your Partner sticks around! Partner sees a strong, loving woman, who's loyal to her family despite facing challenging situations on a daily basis with little support or recognition - you're worth your weight in gold!
Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your warm welcome and kind words. It's a real comfort knowing that everyone here knows what it's like to care for someone and the physical and emotional exhaustion this brings.

I definitely will be making this forum one of my regular internet pit stops Image

Catlady
Hi, Got you PM thank you but wont let me reply, am such a tecnophobe!!!

If you want and have an email address PM it to me and we can chat but only if you want

Jacqui

PS, and welcome x