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Hi Im'Pat

feeling really daunted by the fact my hubby 15 years older than me has 2nd stage dementia, did nt even recognise his boys photo this morning although functions well at home even irons/gardens. I am still working full time at the moment, is there anyone else working and coping with this
I also have a chance of 6 days break away , have arranged for 2 friends to come in and make sure he is OK and eating well etc, and our mutal decorator friend is at house 4 of the 6 days, but am feeling guilty about wanting to go and of course the daughter - in law in stiring it up, loves dad in law to bits - never comes to see him though.

Am also finding it difficult to get advice/help any ideas anyone
Hi Pat,
I'm new too. I cared for my mum who had dementia amongst other illnesses. Hope I don't sound to
blunt" Go" when you get the chance. GO
Minie
Welcome,
Lots of supportive people here, you are definately in the right place Image
Hi Pat and welcome.

I don't have experience of dementia - my caree has autism. I juggle work and caring - has pros and cons.

Sounds like you have got your hubby well covered whilst you take a break - I think you should go for it! Being brutally honest, dementia gets progressively worse and you will be caring for him for a long time - taking breaks will enable you to cope better with your role.

As for DIL
and of course the daughter - in law in stiring it up, loves dad in law to bits - never comes to see him though.
If she was that worried - she would offer to stay with him .... SO many families have rellies like this - they cover their guilt about not helping out with the caring, but being the first to criticise and meddle.

Melly1
Sounds like you need the break, enjoy it while you can and welcome to the forums...
Please go and have a nice relaxing break! I would be worse if I didnt have a break to look forward to! Image
my wife is 3 years younger than me with alzheimers(41) i go and drive a taxi down leicestershire for 16 hours a week,the money helps but the break is priceless,if you go under everybody is in a mess so go for it,malc
Hello and welcome Pat!

Guilt seems to be a side affect of caring... we all suffer from it but there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break and having some much needed time off. Think about it.. in employment you are legally entitled to breaks and nobody questions it (well some employers might grump about it!).... what you're doing as a carer is far more demanding then any paid job. It drains you not just physically but emotionally and you need breaks to recharge your batteries. Take a well earned few days away... and if the d-in-l is worried she can come stay with him!

I'm sure you'll get lots of support and encouragement here.

Debbie
[HI thanks so much I feel a lot better now less guilty, had it out with my son as well now a lot better and he is coming over more to se his Dad and appreciates my bleak future, great site Pat
quote="Melly1"]Hi Pat and welcome.

I don't have experience of dementia - my caree has autism. I juggle work and caring - has pros and cons.

Sounds like you have got your hubby well covered whilst you take a break - I think you should go for it! Being brutally honest, dementia gets progressively worse and you will be caring for him for a long time - taking breaks will enable you to cope better with your role.

As for DIL
and of course the daughter - in law in stiring it up, loves dad in law to bits - never comes to see him though.
If she was that worried - she would offer to stay with him .... SO many families have rellies like this - they cover their guilt about not helping out with the caring, but being the first to criticise and meddle.

Melly1[/quote]
Wow what a supportive lot you all are and all agreed I should have a break, had a chat with son - started very heated, but we have now got it all out in the open and the d in law is encouraging him to spend more time with his Dad! and stay a couple of nights whilst I am away - was on the verge of cancelling it. Poor old Dad will be unidated with visitors.
Have also contacted the memory nurse to arrange a session with my son so he can understand Dad's illness more.

BIG thanks you to you all