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carer and single mum, just joined today. - Carers UK Forum

carer and single mum, just joined today.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello. I am 23 and a carer to my mum and a single mother to a gorgeous 3yo girl.
I joined this forum in hopes of having people to talk to and hopefully not feeling as lost about benefits/jobs etc.
Hi Leonie, welcome :)
Hi Leonie, welcome to the forum. There are lots of people here who care for their mum. My own mum was disabled for many years, after a long spell in hospital her care needs were so very high that a nursing home was the only option left. I also have a son aged 35 with severe learning difficulties, and a few other relatives needed support from me as well! Relatively recently, I had counselling, which helped me clarified my priorities. My top priority had to be my son, as he couldn't speak for himself, unlike mum (who had an endless list of demands). Mum always seemed to have the attitude that I was "her little girl" and that I should do whatever she couldn't. Only when I developed a life threatening illness did she accept outside help. Looking back, I just wish I'd been firm years previously, I never seemed to have time for a life of my own. Mum didn't want to accept outside help, but once she had got used to it, she actually enjoyed talking to the different carers and hearing about what they were doing.
It's always challenging being a single mum - I'm one myself - I became one six years ago when my husband died, though fortunately our son was a teenager then, not a toddler like your little girl. But realising I was now a 'single mum' was NOT a welcome thought to me! Single mums are very 'alone' in their parenting, alas.

Does your daughter's father play any part in the family, by way of emotional, practical and/or financial help? I do hope so!

Being a single mum is, as I say, enough of a challenge, but being a carer for the 'previous generation' (your mum) as well a the 'next generation' (your daughter) is doubly challenging.

How much care does your mum need, and is that balanced out at all by what she can bring to the family party by way of, say, entertaining/minding your little girl? And, of course, in supporting you emotionally and psychologically, even if she requires practical care herself.

My own personal opinion is that providing practical care for a parent is one thing - providing emotional and psychological support is quite another! (I had sadly emotionally 'needy' parents myself, so I do appreciate the 'demand' they can make on one),

You've certainly got a lot on your plate at a very young age!

I hope this very good forum which has done me heaps of good (!) (I have 'inherited' my late husband's mother, who is now 90 and very emotionally needy of me)(sigh), is helpful to you as well.

All the very best to you, kind regards, Jenny