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New to this! - Carers UK Forum

New to this!

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone, Im new. I help care for my father in law who has dementia. He doesnt live with us but we visit very regularly, do his shopping, washing etc. My mood swings for 'this is going ok', not very often now, to increasingly 'this is awful, help'. So I just wanted to say 'hi' and Im sure Im not alone but Im finding this very stressful as he's noncompliant. Im grinding my teeth just writing this so a 'hello' from anyone would be appreciated.
Hi Deborah,

Welcome to the forum. You are definitely not alone there are a lot of lovely friendly people on here. There's plenty of support , advice and chat, ask away with any questions. Roll call is a good place to start to get to know people.

Karen x x
hello and welcome Deborah Image
Hello and welcome to the forum Image
Hello Deborah - welcome to the forum! I can relate to your feelings. My mother has dementia and I've just about reached the end of being able to cope with her......I'm hoping that you will be able to find help and support from the people here Image x
Hello and welcome Image
Thanks to everyone for your good wishes. Now if I can just get my brain going Ill work this computer out and start sending messages that will arrive where I intend them to go!
Yes Audrey, noncompliant is a lovely word, picked that one up from the paramedic who actually picked father in law up after his first fall! The second fall was far more serious and resulted in a 3 week hospital stay due to 2 bleeds to his brain which accelerated the dementia and resulted in the 3 carers per day, walking frames, sticks, shower chair and other disability aids. Which brings me back to noncompliance, all the aids are in pristine condition unused, ignored, even the carers are looking a bit dusty from neglect!!! When really pressed by us father will 'use' a stick, carries it like a staff high in the air or casually over a shoulder just to stress the point of what he thinks of it, the chances of the tip touching the floor are very slight unless by accident whilst twirling it about!!! Oh how we laugh!! The shower chair has been dragged out of the shower, across his bedroom and landing and placed in a far corner of the spare bedroom (reasoning doesnt like the look of it!), unfortunately doesnt seem to like to look of the shower either, hasnt had one for over 4 months! The fire guard has been dismantled and folded up, which thrilled my husband as he had to lug it down the High St. from Argos and cram it in the boot of our car and then assemble it. When asked why he refuses these things father says he doesnt refuse he declines! Tricky or what!
Yes I know he cant help all of this but I reckon there is a degree of Ill show them.
Anyway just thought I would share these images, on good days they make me smile, on bad days........
When asked why he refuses these things father says he doesnt refuse he declines!
When I'm told I'm shouting(which isn't very often), I say I'm not, I'm selectively raising my voice. Image
Good luck. Now is a good time to start researching nursing homes within 20 miles. You may be able to cope now, but its always useful to have a fallback strategy in case it all goes belly-up; we hardcore carers call it Plan B. Image
Hi Deborah o Waving... Hmm we need a waving emoticon on here.