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Someone to hear me. - Carers UK Forum

Someone to hear me.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Am finding it all a bit overwhelming. Moved to be nearer my daughter - she has fibromyalgia and sometimes can't even lift a mug of tea. Mum had a fall and could not live by herself anymore (she is 89) so Mum came to live with my husband and myself. So, am on call 24/7. It has been a minefield getting Mum sorted with stair lift, special bed and all the other stuff she needed. The hospital Mum was in were useless! I had no idea what I was doing and didn't get any help or advice from them. I heard once that you don't know someone until you have to live with them. Crumbs! isn't that right. So, Mum is on DLA, Rachel is on DLA and so am I! Goodness me what a lot of moaning on my part.
BLess you...moaning is fine!!!! Totally understandable.

Do you mean you have all had carers assessments, needs assessments and don't fit the criteria for support? Or haven't you gone that route yet? Or is it ....... simply not enough?. Ruddy austerity!!!
Can we help in any way? We are good ears if nothing else. X
Hello Jan and welcome to the forum :)

Not 'moaning' at all - just saying it how it is ! We're a friendly and supportive lot and between us have a fair bit of experience of all that caring entails so don't be afraid to ask about anything that is concerning you - I promise we won't bite :)

To start with it might be helpful for you to contact Social Services and ask for a Needs Assessment for your daughter and your Mum and a Carers Assessment for yourself - these will highlight areas where you might need help to care effectively. If you have concerns around benefits then contact the Carers UK Adviceline team who are our acknowledged experts at negotiating the benefits minefield ! There is a lot of very useful information on the main website - just go to the "Help and Advice" tab in the red banner at the top of the page and have a browse.
Having a few tears! I must mention the fact that my husband is near to useless! He is spending a month on holiday!
Dancedintherain wrote:BLess you...moaning is fine!!!! Totally understandable.

Do you mean you have all had carers assessments, needs assessments and don't fit the criteria for support? Or haven't you gone that route yet? Or is it ....... simply not enough?. Ruddy austerity!!!
Can we help in any way? We are good ears if nothing else. X

It is so good to hear from you....mopped my face....
susieq wrote:Hello Jan and welcome to the forum :)

Not 'moaning' at all - just saying it how it is ! We're a friendly and supportive lot and between us have a fair bit of experience of all that caring entails so don't be afraid to ask about anything that is concerning you - I promise we won't bite :)

To start with it might be helpful for you to contact Social Services and ask for a Needs Assessment for your daughter and your Mum and a Carers Assessment for yourself - these will highlight areas where you might need help to care effectively. If you have concerns around benefits then contact the Carers UK Adviceline team who are our acknowledged experts at negotiating the benefits minefield ! There is a lot of very useful information on the main website - just go to the "Help and Advice" tab in the red banner at the top of the page and have a browse.
Tears mopped up!
Glad we seem to have helped a bit already :) I expect a few others will be along shortly to mop up the rest of the tears :)

By the way having a 'rant' is expected and we won't think any the less of you for letting it all out here - we've been there, done that and got quite a few t-shirts between us to prove it :lol: :lol:
Hope you mopped up with tissues..... I have a feeling you have enough laundry to do as it is!

Hey, we are a very mixed bunch but all well meaning. We don't know everything, we haven't got solutions.....but we are inclusive and welcoming. And hey, bet you can help us loonies too. See ya again.
No, I don't think your husband is "useless". I think he too is overwhelmed, but showing it another way. Where is there any time for him. You have moved to be nearer daughter, clearly your top priority. AND you've moved mum in. All when you are in receipt of DLA too.
Honestly, I think you need counselling to establish your priorities whilst you still have a marriage. That's not said flippantly. My husband and I were multiple carers. Husband died suddenly in his sleep from a massive heart attack. I developed a very serious illness requiring major surgery. Don't let this happen to you.
Can I ask what exactly is wrong with mum? How much help does she need? Did the hospital arrange a care plan prior to discharge? An NHS Continuing Healthcare Checklist Assessment?
Actually my husband has always been pretty grim and he has always gone away with his friend for about eight weeks a year. I don't begrudge him that as I have always said that if you can do it - do it. He also gets a lot of sun on his knees which is good. I did have a 'big' word with him about helping me with Mum and he has improved. He started doing the crossword with her and reading the newspaper. So he does stay in the same room with her for about an hour a day. Then he goes up to his man-cave! He does cook as well so that is helpful. Have all the help we are entitled to apparently. Whoopee! getting a disability car in about three weeks time and the stair lift to get mum outside the front door is coming to measure up on Monday. So it's all happening here thank goodness. Mum now thinks she has been here for a few years instead of which she moved in on 7th September. Her memory is getting really bad. So, that's all for now. Love Jan x