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New to this - Carers UK Forum

New to this

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi, I have been a full time carer for my mum now for nearly a year. She is 89 not very mobile and her memory is getting worse. It's like ground hog day here!

When I first started looking after my mum my family said they would give me any support I need (including financial - I had to leave work). For the last six months I have been on my own. I have fallen out with one family member about mum's care and I'm feel more isolated every day. The internet is my only link with the outside world. I read on facebook how wonderful everyone's life is and I resent it.

I now work 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I'm tired, broke and lonely.

Sorry for the long rant Image Image
Hello.

Welcome to the site.
Caring can be isolating.
You have come to the right place for support.
I care for my 9 yr old who has Autism so a different situation from yours.

As for Face book, don't believe everything you read, a lot of what goes on behind closed doors does not get written about.

Tracey x
Hello and welcome to the site.
i care for my hubby and gave up work at the end of march and I really suffer with the isolation so the forum here is great for reducing that.
As for facebook I don't go on it but my kids do, as my dd pointed out the other day if these people are doing everthing they say they are how come they've got so much time to spend on FB
Excellent! More bears! There are a few of us around... Image
Welcome to the forum.
Family and friends can often offer support without actually giving any, but luckily you're among good company here. We're all in the carer boat and felling isolated isn't uncommon. I've found talking to others who understand is one of the best ways to counter the loneliness, so feel free to post as and when you feel like it.
And rants are totally acceptable here Image No need to apologise.
Hello care bear and a warm welcome to our forum. We understand how you feel, isolation is very common among carers. Roll call on carer to carer is a good place to get to know us all.

Karen
Family members Image always got something else to do , cant spoil the way they live , it is lonely doing the job we do but we do for the love the of the person we care for , you will find many friends on here all in the same situation , keep posting , have a moan it will do you good honest , by the way welcome Image Image
Hi thank you all so much. It means a lot to me that just knowing there are people who I can 'talk' to and who know what I'm going throught.

My brother asked me recently if I miss work. He said it must 'get boring just sitting around the house all day!' I felt like telling him what it's really like but I knew I would end up crying so I said nothing.

Until you have been a carer you really don't have a clue.
Hi Care Bare

I retired from my job 3yrs ago and unfortunately my husbands illness took a turn for the worse and he is completely bed bound and incontinent now so I am caring for him full time. Like you I am restricted to how often I leave the house. I can sympathise with your loneliness and the long days on your own. I do get extremely bored. I am very lucky in that I have a family and friends that pop in for a cuppa and get shopping for me and have a chat.

I have recently joined the local carers centre and they arrange a sitter for me so that I can go out for the day. I am booked to go to London with them in Sept and was really looking forward to it but now have lost my confidence because I wont know anyone. I am also very afraid of leaving my husband with anyone. What a dilemma we are all in Image Caring is such hard work and until you are in this situation, we take life for granted, I know I did.

Please don't feel alone there is always someone here for you to talk to. Image
Life is what you make of it, and Facebook reflects peoples aspirations, as much as their realities. But, if you dont aspire, you don't achieve.
Carers are doing all kinds of amazing things, every day. Most don't get reported. Why should they?
Most importantly we carers are learning to let go, every day, a little bit more. We can do this alone if we are very brave, or with support from other carers who have travelled that road if we need a hug, and sometimes with sympathetic professionals.
But the alternative is totally unacceptable.
My son has just passed his 17th birthday, he has Downs Syndrome, and he is currently backpacking around rural Finland with another teenage boy he has known since they were at Primary School.
This isnt easy, it is very hard, but it is also very right. Deep breaths ..... learning to let go is the hardest part.
Hi care bear, I'm a new girl too. I've just read your post. I looked after mum at home for twelve months until she died last December. She was suffering from senile dementia and cervical cancer. It was hell on earth and I think I know a little bit just what you are going through. I fell out with my four stepbrothers because of the stress. We often disagreed with the best way of looking after mum. One thing we all had in common though was that we loved her and wanted what was best for her. Since my mum died I have had a lot of regrets. My brothers and I don't talk to each other. I regret not enjoying the time I had with mum because I was too ill and exhausted.
Think you need to tell social services you need a break. You are entitled to respite care for your mum. Just for a little while, two weeks say, think about finding her a nice home. It will give you chance for some "me" time. You need to be a bit selfish or this situation will over whelm you.
Now my darling husband , Paddy is ill with Lung Cancer. I know I haven't got him for much longer and want to make the time together a special as I can. But it's not easy. When someone is terminally ill they can become very dependant. They want you around all the time because it makes them feel safe. You can't trump the cancer card! So you give in. II am trying to stay strong. Just remember , You deserve some time to yourself. get on the phone. Send a few rockets in the direction of social services. Ask for your entitlement to respite care. And when you are rested, try and arrange some fun days with your mum. Days you will treasure when she is no longer here. I missed my mum the most when I received the news about my husband. I wanted to phone her and I couldn't. That is my biggest regret of all!

Regards Blue eyes