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new to the site,carer for mum with mental hearh issues - Carers UK Forum

new to the site,carer for mum with mental hearh issues

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone.
Im chelsea and im 24, i have cared for my mum who suffers with psycosis and acute anxiety for many year's. But latelty i am finding it difficult, i am a lone parent to a 4month old, and i am also a senior care assistant at work, aswell as caring for my dad who suffers heart problems! Just finding it all abit much at the moment,as mum has recently been discharged from hospital after a years stay, and the responsibility now solely relys to me again. Xxx
Dear Chelsea

Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you found us! Caring for three people - two parents and a baby! - is far too much, plus holding down a job. You most definitely need help. When your mum was discharged from hospital, did you 'volunteer' to look after her, and do they realise that you are a mother, and that your father is ill, and that you work????!!!!! What would have happened to her had you said you couldn't look after her?

Is your baby's father involved at all with him/you? If not, why not? He may not have any responsibility for your parents, but he certainly has responsibilities in respect of his baby!

Wishing you a better outcome than what you are coping with at the moment - kind regards, Jenny (in haste,at this time of night, as I know others will be here tomorrow, hopefully with some practical approaches to your situation.)
Hi Chelsea and welcome
You can't do all that all on your own for too long. Are Social Services involved? Haven't you got any help at all? You are probably a heroine but you don't want to be an exhausted one. Your baby must be your first priority and you need help with your parents so that you can concentrate on him/her.
Chelsea, just to say that sometimes it takes a 'crisis' to make one realise one can't keep going as is. Many posters here report that a 'crisis' for their caree, such as the caree going into hospital for an acute reason, makes them realise that they CANNOT go on caring as they had before, and that 'something has to change', eg, their caree going from hospital into residential care.

In your case, I suspect it's a sort of 'reverse crisis' - your mum has been 'in care' (ie, MH hospital) for a year, which has give you a year's 'break' from her everyday care. Now, with her being 'landed' back on you, you realise acutely that no, you CANNOT just 'take her on again'....and that, yes, 'something has to change'.

Why has your mum been discharged? Has she REALLY 'got better' or is her discharge 'actually' because of funding, pressure on places, etc etc etc. What care arrangements had been made for her prior to her discharge?

Time and time and time again we read on this forum of people simply 'chucked out' of hospitals, without adequate discharge plans and relatives/carers simply expected to 'take over' their care. As you work in the care world, I can quite see why the hospital blithely assumed that YOU would 'take over' the care of your mum. And, again, time and time and time again we see on the forum that relatives feel 'bad' about rejected their parents, and simply accept, with grim resignation, that oh, all right then, I'll look after them....

In practical terms, what is your set up? Do you have independent accommodation, or do you live with your parents (again, is your kiddie's father involved with you/his kiddie at all?)? How much care does your father need, your mother need? Do they have any professional care workers (NOT YOU!) coming in to help? etc etc etc.

What is that you find MOST wearing? What, ideally, would you like to happen (eg, run away to Australia with your baby!!!!)

In respect of your mum's MH, you say she's had this for years. I know, from personal experience, what a toll this takes. My mum had paranoid schizophrenia all my childhood and into my adulthood, and it utterly and totally dominated my life (and my dad's and bro's!). Our entire lives revolved around our mum and her needs (and her scary benders that she went on regularly!). We could never make decisions about our own lives without constant reference to her needs, and so on and so on. (Our dad, like yours, had heart disease too, and really couldn't cope with his wife at all.....)

I do wish you well ,but as I say, it does very much sound like it has taken the re-arrival of your mum into your daily life that is yelling to you loud and clear 'This can't go on!'.
Get onto social workers who are involved. I know how hard it must be for you. I have an 11month old baby and care for my mother. Feel free to message me.