Hiya, I'm new to the forum. Just joined as I feel I need somewhere to offload my woes. I am a woman of 39 and have always lived with my mum (with the exception of a couple of years when I lived away) who is 73 and was diagnosed with dementia 18 months ago. I have one brother who is married with a family. I have always had a rocky relationship with my mum and have never really felt she acts like me loves me or even vaguely likes me, but I have always bent over backwards to win her love, as a lot of people do. Several times my brother's wife has managed to alienate my mum from me. 2 years ago my mum went to stay with them for a couple of weeks and when she came home she wouldn't speak to me. This was in the October. So we spent the next month living in the same house and she just wouldn't utter a single word to me when my brother came and got my mum again and she stayed with them leaving me alone at Christmas, at that time that was the lowest point of my life, my friends got me through it. She stayed with them for 11 months and during that time my mum rang me (in the May) crying and saying she was worried about me. we made it up finally! In the November my mum told me she wanted to return home and would not speak to my brother or his family. I got shopping in etc to prepare for her return. She came home and everything was fine .... until last Monday. My niece rang to speak to my mum. They arranged to come to visit my mum the following day so I arranged to go out to keep out of the way. I came home and my mum was very cold towards me. On the Thursday I went to work as I do each day, when I returned no sign of my mum. I then received a text message from one of my nieces telling me that my mum would be staying there overnight and she would be back the following day. the following day arrives and no sign. Then I am sold saturday she would be home, and then sunday, and then Monday. I go to a pub quiz every Monday night and told my niece (as I do not speak to my brother or his wife for various reasons) that if my mum needs the key its with our neighbour. When I came home from my evening out later that night I came in only to find no sign of my mum, and all her medication was taken. Money went from her account so I contacted the police, my suspicions were wrong on this occasion (£11,000 went from her account over a period of 4 months when she stayed with them before so am suspicious of them), she transferred money to her ISA. Anyway, she told the police that she was there to visit her grandchildren and is staying for Christmas. There is actually no actual point to my message. Despite me being her registered carer and loyal daughter, she can do what she wants. I just feel like yet again, she has trampled all over me and I am at rock bottom, I don't understand why she turned on me just like that. I haven't been to work since Tuesday, I cannot stop crying, how could she leave me alone at Christmas AGAIN! I have been a depressive for years, am not currently on medication as for the last 2 years have tried to deal with my depression without the aid of drugs, but I do not feel that I can go on, I just want to give up. Sorry my post is not particularly well written and perhaps I am ranting but I need to get it out or I will go crazy
Hi Karen, ranting is allowed on this forum, feel free to ofload whenever you like, there are always people here to listen and give good advice.
Familys, sometimes you can't live with them or without them. I noticed that you say you are always trying to win your mothers love, sometimes you have to step back and relook at the situation, and i think if you do, you will see that sometimes no matter what you do, you cannot change somethings. You cannot win a mothers love, its either there or its not. In some familys manipulation is common, and also very damaging. Maybe its time to love yourself rather than try to win a battle you can't. If you have good friends, have christmas with them, let your mum do her own thing, but do not chase, as then it becomes you the needy one and your mum the carer, i think you have probaly spent far to much time in your mums shadow, and maybe its time to live your life and let others do the caring. I could be wrong, we can only answer and give advice on what we can see and by reading between the lines, i hope this help, try to have a good christmas and think of yourself for a change, there will be others along soon with maybe better advice and replys than mine. Take care, and more importantly, welcome to the forum. You can pm me if you need to talk further.
Paul.