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New to the forum - Carers UK Forum

New to the forum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi to you all
Whilst listening to Jeremy Vine today talking about caring for an elderly relative, this forum was mentioned so I thought I'd join.
I'm 55 & mum is nearly 95 & lives in her own home. She's increasingly struggling to look after herself despite having privately funded carers coming in each morning & evening. I live 4 miles away & try to cover as much of the time in between these visits as I can.
I work part time, run a home & holiday cottage & walk our dog. None of these are a chore & I really enjoy them all but increasingly now they are being pushed to one side. I feel guilty when I'm not round with mum & it's really taking its toll on my mental health now. I'm on prescribed medication & I really feel trapped. I don't have much quality time for my partner, friends or myself. This situation can't go on.....
Any help & advice would be appreciated.
Kind regards
Gill
Hello Gill and welcome

When you reach the stage you are currently feeling. Which is quite normal!!
It's time to revaluate the situation there is always a solution to everything. What concern you the most? More help for Mum or do you think it's gone beyond Mum being at home. If Mum is struggling between twice daily visits then there need to be more.

Has Mum every had a needs assessment done by Social Services. Does Mum claim Attendance Allowance. You must become an organiser of the care for Mum. Not the person providing the care.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

Carers assessment for you
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment
If Mum objects to having one you can still have one.

You need to take the first issue that gives you the most concern. As you fine a solution for that. Continue to the next.
There are local carers groups in most areas.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... al-support
My mum didn't drive, so when dad was away working, I did her shopping and odd jobs, starting in my teens. So slowly I did a bit more, and more.... After my husand died there were hints of it would be nice to have a live in daughter! No thought about me being disabled, work, or my brain damaged son!!
On the verge of a breakdown, I had counselling. I would urge you to do the same. It really helped hugely.