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Carers UK Forum • New to the forum
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New to the forum

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 12:19 am
by Victoria_2102123456
I’m new to this forum. I’ve mainly joined as I’m 28 year old with a 30 year old brother with learning difficulties and my anxiety is becoming worse. Although his learning difficulties are classed as mild he has the mental age of a 7 year old. I worry about him so much and just feel so alone with it all. I feel guilty for being the one without the LD and have started to lie in bed and worry about how he would deal with different scenarios. I talk to him about them but it doesn’t make me feel much better. I only have one friend with a sister with Down’s syndrome but she doesn’t feel the same as me as she has more support and so does her sister

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:01 am
by Melly1
Hi Victoria,

welcome to the forum.

Have you always worried about your brother or are you more worried about your brother because of Covid or for another reason?

Who supports your brother now and where does he live?

Many people with learning disabilities have rich and enjoyable lives; is there any reason why this should be different for your brother?

S (who I care for) has autism and related LD. Outside of the pandemic, his life is not perfect (whose is?!) but he enjoys going out to places - especially cafes and to eat out(!) to his college day service, the gym, swimming, Special Olympics & an autism club; he needs support to do these things. At home he likes cooking, playing snooker, surfing the internet, drawing and listening to music. What does your brother like to do?


Re: New to the forum

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:06 am
by bowlingbun
Welcome to the forum.
My son has severe learning difficulties, he's 41 and lives in a privately rented flat, with carer support.

It is vital that to plan ahead for someone with LD, to ensure that when the time comes to leave home, they can be helped and supported.
Start by asking Social Services for a Needs Assessment for him, and a Carers Assessment for you.

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:11 am
by Karen Dee
Hi Victoria, Your last sentence sums it up - you're not getting the support you need.
You're 28 - you should be enjoying yourself (although obviously the restrictions due to the pandemic have made life more difficult for us all). What I'm saying is that your brother shouldn't be your responsibility!!
Have you a mum and dad? Aunts/Uncles? If not does your brother get any outside help?
It's really important that you get plenty of 'me' time so that you can relax and do some things you enjoy.

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Wed Feb 24, 2021 11:17 am
by bowlingbun
You CANNOT be forced to care for him, even a wife can't be forced to care for a husband.
It's not you that's not getting the support he needs, but HIM.
He should have all his needs met by Social Services!
Does he usually attend any day services?

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:04 pm
by ontheverge
Hi Victoria,

Hope you are OK. I hope you find solace in knowing you are not the only one in that situation.

I have 2 older siblings - one I believe has autism and the other one has a few physical things wrong with him. Like you, I feel like I am stuck in a rut and just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have to do most of the cooking and all of the cleaning for both of them, and now I am having to provide emotional support for them which I am really struggling to do!

Since covid, one of the siblings has gone into a complete state of panic, his lost loads of weight, won't go out of the house and just sits and worries about things all day everyday. I try to get him out of the house, even if it's just to the garden but he ends up in tears. I have 3 other siblings but they do sweet FA to help me in any way, shape or form.

If you ever want to chat, drop me a message. Wishing you happiness and success.

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2021 1:57 pm
by sunnydisposition
Hi Victoria & welcome

Unfortunately, none of us can have an answer to every situation that may or may not occur. We can only deal with one situation at a time. Has something recently happened to make you feel more anxious. Or are you worried about you brother in the longer term. How fortunate your brother has you as his sister. You can advocate on his behalf. How is your brother in his health?

As you say your brother functioning/understanding is around the age 7. Your brother isn't really going to be overly concerned about the same things as you.

What are his interests and hobbies.

Do you live together at home.