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Re: New to the forum

Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2019 10:28 pm
by leah_1902
Seasalt-and-rainbows wrote:
Sat Oct 12, 2019 8:38 pm
It all focuses around capacity. He doesn't need personal care and social services don't get involved in anything like a home help. He's expected to put things in place for himself - he has been provided with details of people who can support him with this. His problem is initiating the contact and chasing things up. He is expected to play his part in his own rehab and he is not. His belief is that admitting he cannot cope (though it is obvious) gives social services licence to "cart him off". I'm afraid that what is good enough for my Mom is certainly not good enough for him.

No matter how many times I explain to him that this is not how it happens, he refuses to get support. Yet continually manipulates us to do things for him.

We often wonder about dementia. His GP says not, although acknowledges there's potentially mental health issues there. However, my Dad refuses to talk to anyone who may be able to help him. But tells us he is depressed, he cannot live like this and so on.

I suspect his problem is, people don't stand to when he snaps his fingers so he screams down the phone at them. I heard him once trying to book a transport ambulance for Mom when she was still at home.

His finances are a minefield, there are longstanding problems as well as the intricacies of social care funding and again, he refuses to get expert advice. We have sowed seeds about advocacy for years, finally he decided he would do it when he was discharged. He told me he'd arranged an appointment. When I asked him about it a week later he said he'd got no idea what I was talking about.

Here's an example, Mom had a period in hospital. As part of her discharge, a care plan was written for Dad to have home helps in. That would support him, to support Mom. He would have to pay, whereas Mom's 4 care calls were fully funded. They started attending, then suddenly stopped. Suggestions of disputes about the bill, stuff like that. Never got to the bottom of it.

And another, Mom needed a rise & recline chair. He wouldn't deal with it. Eventually it got mentioned to a social worker, so they sourced one for her. Dad decided he liked the look of it, so ordered himself a £1400 all singing all dancing chair with massage facility, within a week of Mom's chair being delivered.

That is what we are dealing with. There are days where I think the moon isn't far enough away. My daughter says maybe Pluto.
Walk away. This is the only option left. Can you afford a care home or not?

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:53 am
by Seasalt-and-rainbows
He won't do that either, even though he enjoyed his stay in care home rehab and we think he just wants to be waited on hand and foot.

We've formally withdrawn care support for him. His options will run out fairly soon now his mobility has started to drop off. Even then, social services will want to keep him at home for as long as possible. He would have to choose residential care for himself.

Re: New to the forum

Posted: Sun Oct 13, 2019 9:29 am
by bowlingbun
I believe firmly that we are ultimately all responsible for our own happiness and well being.
Nothing you can do or say is going to make any difference.
I'm afraid that sitting back and letting him get so bad that the authorities have to take action is the only option left.