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My husband (88 yrs) is now in almost continuous pain caused by Stenosis in the lower back. He is on a "Pain management drug regime" which doesn't appear to make much difference (though if he stopped taking all the drugs maybe he would be in even greater pain). This is emotional agony for both of us. I have no power to stop or alleviate the pain, which causes him to cry out, and to be in great despair.

I am 72 and am doing most things for him, which I want to do and which I find I am very good at (I wonder if I have the genes of my g'parents - both nurses). We are about to try a LA authority Carer to see if that can work and make things easier but I am not hopeful. Because the real problem is him being in this terrible constant pain; it is not the extra work.

We have been together for 18 wonderful happy years in which we have taken good care of each other and our separate families (mine is much smaller than his) and he feels bad that he cannot do anything for me now. He has slowed up in the last 2 years and has been living with chronic back pain but he did not let this dictate what we did. After out last very lovely holiday in his homeland (Scottish Highlands) this year, things suddenly deteriorated and by July he was doubled up and walking very slowly with a Zimmer.

I see very little light ahead for him.
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Hi Vaughan,
Your post has worked and we can see it. Welcome.

Seeing your caree in pain and being powerless to help is very difficult to cope with. Who has prescribed his meds? Has he been referred to a Pain Clinic? They are the experts in managing pain. Also worth asking for an OT referral for hubby, if he hasn't had one yet, they may be able to provide equipment to make him more comfortable. Is he claiming Attendance Allowance, this money could be used to make life easier for you both?

Do you both have hobbies and interests? Distraction can help pain perception for the caree and give you a break too from worrying.

Your husband should NOT be in pain. Has he seen a palliative care consultant to ensure he is on the most appropriate and effective medication for pain management?
Sadly, hospices are often the 'centres of excellent' when it comes to pain management.

Unfortunately, sometimes it is a cruel choice of being 'pain free' or 'mentally alert'.....
In answer to the thoughtful suggestions, my husband has been treated by the UCLH Pain clinic - last week for the 3rd time. We have excellent OT service and support e.g. hospital bed, showers stool, cushion, and other things coming. If the latest treatment doesn't work I shall ask the GP to inform the Pain Clinic. He is on an opioid patch, oral Morphine, Gabapentin, Paracetamol across the day.

We also have an assessment visit booked for Tuesday, which may have some more useful help/advice.

I had forgotten about the Attendance Allowance and will set about applying for it immediately. Thank you.