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New to the board GUILT! - Carers UK Forum

New to the board GUILT!

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Hi My names Jacqui and I care for my mum, Yesterday after 2 years of back and forth to Doctors and Hospitals we were told mum has Parkinsons! To cut long story short i am in a lesbion relationship of 4 years and had plans to move in with my partner. I now have BIG BIG feelings of guilt. Do I give up on my relationship and stay at home and care for mum till the end which could be a long time away or do i carry on with my planes to start my life with my partner and do all i can for mum from another home! There is lots more to this then i have put but just now dont know what to do Image
hi jaqui wellcome its hard one that could your partner move in with you or is that not posibel i dont now what to suggest but i dont think you should not feel guiltey what ever you do good luck with what ever you do Image
Hi Mr Turk, Thanks for the reply, My partner is not welcome by my mum. My mum does not approve of me being a lesbion or of my relationship so us all living together would not work i am afraid Image
Hi and welcome to the forum. Guilt is a normal feeling. Only advice I can give is you need to do what you think is best.

Hi No1 Mum, Thank you for the reply, Thats the problem i dont know what is for the best! Image
Jacqui, if you can give up your partner and devote the rest of your time to your Mum without feeling any resentment about this decision Id say go ahead. However, I dont think thats possible and would say you should care for your Mum from your own home shared with your partner together with the help of Social Services, Carers or whatever is appropriate. Im sure you could achieve a balance without making an either/or decision.
Good luck.
Talk away as much as you feel you can on here, you'll get a lot of different replies. from my perspective the caring role got harder and demanded a lot more of my time. Ask people who have given up relationships to take on a caring role if they would do the same again and there are a number oft them who will say no. If I knew then what I know now I would have certainly given it a lot more thought.

Hi Jacqui and welcome.
It's a shame that your Mum can't accept your partner. I'm afraid that whichever you decide you are going to feel guilty, but you shouldn't. You can only do what you can do.
Good luck with your decision.
Would it be possible to get in support in caring for your mum, or is there anyone else like any local family that could help out? I know it's not ideal and lots of people don't want to have care workers in, but thinking in the long term, it might be good to get this stuff sorted now so that you can be with your partner and care for your mum without having to give up either.

Other than that, welcome to the forum Image
Hi Jaqui, the only advice I can give is to break down your big decision into two smaller ones.

1. Can you give up on your relationship? Moving in together means there is a lot of commitment there already.
2. Do you want to carry on being a carer for your mum? As has been mentioned, you could get some professional care package in place and you could take a secondary role.

Obviously, I don't know enough about your personal circumstances but these two smaller decisions (still tough ones) might help you look at the big picture.

I hope you can work something out to accommodate everyone.