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New to group and have terrible dilemma - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

New to group and have terrible dilemma

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My children are all adults living independent life's but are all close by.

I can't stay with my uncle his place is small has no heating and only a portable hot water boiler enough for him to shower daily.
No washing machine, I take this or if he needs something in a hurry he takes to the local laundry

Also given I don't drive and the distance the most practical thing would be for him to move in with me where I have all mid cons a lot of space and a garden, but I know this will be problematic as would mean a move from one health authority and council to another. The shared care ( when the time comes that he needs it would work well I feel but would be difficult for me to get to him in quickly in an emergency.
He's losing weight fast he has always been slim but he's lost 21 pounds in the past two months despite still eating normally. He's still very much looking after himself still at the moment but he's looking gaunt and is under weight by a stone. At that rate of loss he's going to get very week sooner rather than later.
That really limits the options. It really is a dilemma, especially as time may be short. As I'm sure you are aware, nursing home fees cost £1,000 or more each week, in my area anyhow. His home sounds unsuitable for someone who is terminally ill, and although it might qualify for an improvement grant, then you come up against the time issue again.
Continuing Healthcare might be a solution, it's designed for those with serious health problems, but is a terrible postcode lottery. If he qualified he'd have free care, regardless of whether or not he owned property, but it depends on how little time is left, once more.
Ring or email Carers UK's helpline after the doctor's visit, they should be able to talk through all the options possible. Age UK might also be able to make suggestions, I believe they also have a helpline, but haven't used it myself.
Thank you Bowlingbun,

He's very house proud his place is old fashion but spotlessly clean, he doesn't have heating because he couldn't stand the mess and upheaval, but the position of the shower and toilet ( at the back of flat behind the kitchen ) and the fact they are also tiny and your right it's not suitable for someone with a terminal illness but any work would be problematic due to the lay out.

So I think we go and see the consultant on Tuesday and see what the prognosis is and what options we have.
I have some nice things planned for him as well as tracking down an old friend from the 1950s who is now 100 put still going strong so plans are in motion to get them together for old times sake and a couple of coach holidays to Devon and the highlands of Scotland if we possibly can.
He's been all over the world and has led an amazing full life but seen little of the UK so fingers crossed we can get a couple of breaks sorted for him if his health allows.
I will let you know how it goes on Tuesday.
And Thank you to all who replied with advice and information. It's helped very much.
if your uncle's prognosis is poor - he should be fast -tracked for palliative care, and shouldn't have to pay for this - what you need is a GP/SW on your side who're prepared to fight his corner. I feel you'd be better off having him live with you if it's only a short time. No one wants to die in hospital or away from home - but the next best thing is with family around them. Hospice care can be provided at home and the NHS and SS are still nationwide - but it sometimes require a really big fight to get this if it involves different authorities, and sometimes you're so weak with caring you can't fight them. If you can get him referred to a local hospice they have welfare officers who will deal with stuff for you - they are really good and appreciate your stress - and I've found them really supportive.
Good thought about the hospice Jakki. My dad had terminal prostate cancer, the hospice supported him through his last months. Mum and I were stunned to hear that he'd enjoyed massage and foot therapy, he was the most unlikely candidate in the world for this! They had a "day hospital" which meant that although mum was very disabled herself, dad only spent the last week of his life in the hospice. Certainly worth investigating what is available locally. I've seen others write in glowing terms about their Macmillan nurse, elsewhere there are Admiral nurses, or Crossroads. Your GP should know what is available locally, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Thank you so much ladies.
Another turn of events happened yesterday, I was offered a job that I applied for last month and had pretty much forgotten about, contract is for 5 months, it's to start 10th of April... I explained the situation and said they can wait until tomorrow so I can find out what the prognosis is, but after seeing the doctors reaction to the CT scan am not expecting it to be any more than months.
I can get another job but not another uncle, I want him to know he is not alone anymore and even though we never saw each other for many years, that it's it's the here and now that counts and he is loved and cared about.
More test to be done, lung biopsy, pet scan, sort of good news as they now saying it maybe non small cell and could possibly be treated with surgery and chemo... So they is some hope that it may not be terminal after all. I really really hope it's not. More weeks of waiting but will be worth it if they can do something.
caring for someone you love is worth spending your precious time..Our elderly have spent most of their time saving , working hard so that they can give us everything they couldn't have afforded