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Carers UK Forum • new to forum-''people can be so cruel''
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new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 6:56 pm
by india77
I have been a carer for many years. My mum is 84 and suffers with many health issues. Im also a single parent and we have no other family.
Although i am lucky enough to work for a couple of hours each day(its a godsend and only 2 minutes from home) my work is stressfull, but of course my life revolves round caring.
Mum has been ill for a long time now, and in and out of hospital. Two years ago, before her health really went on a decline, i would help my "friend'' in anyway i could with her terminally ill sister, and their mum who had heart problems. I had my ''friend'' over for meals, i rang her 2, 3 times a day, text etc. I went with her numerous times to visit her mum in hospital, and i went on my own to give my ''friend'' a break. Sadly her mum passed away, and i did what i could when i could.
My mum spent 6 months in hospital last year. I didnt see my ''friend'' once. Yes she will text now and again, mainly to tell me where shes going on holiday, but to date shes not been to see my mum or me (she has known us all her life, and lives round the corner).
I feel totally let down. The one person i thought i could rely on for help, who would understand, just does not want to know. Its almost as if iv served my purpose for her. Im so annoyed.

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 7:48 pm
by poppett
Welcome to the forum.

I have a handful of wonderful friends who aren`t in touch particularly regularly, but would be there in a heartbeat if help was needed. We all know each other via their friendship with me and I think our friendship is unique as the girls get on well with each other even when I am not there. We are separated by many miles but are always in each other`s hearts.

I hope you will enjoy the forum and make some good virtual friends as I have done.xx

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:00 am
by india77
thank you so much for taking the time to reply. i know there are many people in a much worse position then me, and i feel guilty for having a moan. sometimes i feel invisable to the outside world, and as though my feelings dont matter. Neighbours will ask now and again how my mum is, or say how they saw me struggling with the wheelchair, yet not one of them would think of lending a hand or just popping in and saying hello. I want to say to them if you want to know how she is come over and ask her, she would love the company even if it was for five minutes.
Im glad you have a good network of friends who support you. thanks again

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:14 am
by crocus
Im sorry you feel so let down. Its not nice when friendship seems to only go one way

BTW, dont feel guilty about having a rant on here - we all do it from time to time Image

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:00 am
by Juggler
Hello India77 and welcome to the forum. Lots of lovely people here - virtual friends who know where you're coming from so rant away as much as you need to!
On a practical note can I suggest you look into befriending services. I'm in touch with WRVS for my dad. It's worth checking what's available in your area: http://www.wrvs.org.uk/how-we-help/prac ... rt-at-home
Good luck!
Juggler
x

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:41 am
by Myrtle
Hi and welcome Image

It's always sad when someone you thought was a friend turns out not to be, but maybe after all she's been through she's burnt out and can't cope for a while, even as a friend.

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 12:33 pm
by Lucy Carers UK
Hi India,

Welcome to the forum.

Have you tried talking to your friend? Maybe she is unaware that your situation has deteriorated. Sometimes people do get wrapped up in their own lives, but perhaps just telling her you need her around will prompt her to take notice.

I hope you like the forum - there are always lots of lovely people on here if you need to talk Image

Lucy

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:04 pm
by Minnie
Hi,
Welcome to the Forum, You brought back sad memories for me, i.e. always asking
how your mum is never wrapping the door, no matter how hard it gets. like a
whining record at times. So India, although we are virtual I hope this site and
us lot help, in being here.
Take care
Minnie Image

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:25 pm
by india77
Thank you to everybody that has taken time out to reply. Just those two little words.....HELLO and WELCOME mean so much to me. I am going to check out wrvs servcie with out doubt.
As for my friend,. she knows already knows how i feel. Even her other friends are shocked, i know that because i bumped into one of them last year. I think its a clear cut case of "im alright jack". I think there is alot of truth in the saying "when chips are down you find out who your true friends really are".
If i could turn back the clock, i would'nt change a thing. I would still help with her mum and sister, and of course i wouldnt turn my back on her if she needed help in the future. I just couldnt do it. I might not be AS helpful as i once was or as committed, but i would offer at least a few words of comfort which is more than iv had!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all once again for listening, and making me feel welcome and no longer isolated. x

Re: new to forum-''people can be so cruel''

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:49 am
by no1mum
Hi India, you're right people can be cruel, it's a sad fact that friends and family visit and call less and less the longer the caring role goes on, leaving the carer feeling isolated, they just don't realise how a few words would make such a difference, just asking how you are, if there's anything they could do.