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New to Forum - how do I tell my Mum she needs guardianship? - Carers UK Forum

New to Forum - how do I tell my Mum she needs guardianship?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.

I care for my elderly parents, who both have mobility and other health problems. We are applying for Power of Attorney for my Dad but have been told we'll have to arrange Guardianship for my Mum because of her memory problems. She used to have an excellent memory and doesn't realise how poor it is now. How do I explain to her that she needs Guardianship? Do I have to tell her? Hope somebody in the Forum will be able to advise me. Thanks in advance.
Hi Jane

I think if your mum needs Guardianship her permission does not have to be got. I am under different laws where I live but I believe Guardianship is above Power of Attorney and there is one here above that Curator Bonis. It is very expensive to get Curator Bonis as you have to employ Doctors and specialists as well as lawyers. If you want to ask your mum's permission in a kindly manner I would suggest that you say something like you know you dont walk so well and just in case the day comes that you cant make it to the Bank and other places she needs to go it would be as well to arrange for someone who can do these things legally for you. You could always throw in about the winters getting more severe and all the increase in flooding and you would not want your mum struggling through all that.

Hope this helps a wee bit.

Little Lamb
Hi Jane...I see that you joined some time ago but as this is your first post, I wanted to welcome you to the forum!

I'm sure others will come along with the benefit of their experience soon.

Bell x
Hi Jane and welcome Image

I am interested in your post, as it's been suggested I apply for POA while my mum is still relatively on the ball - apparently it can become difficult later on if the individual slides into dementia, as there is no way it can be proven they agreed to it 'in right mind' etc.

I've not heard of Guardianship before. If anyone can explain, then maybe we might be able to advise in your case.

Best regards Image
Hi Jane,

And a warm welcome to the Forum. I agree with Little Lamb - keep the message for your mum as short and as simple as possible.

However, guardianship is more expensive and more time-consuming than Power of Attorney, so I would not assume that the latter is impossible. My mum also has memory problems but all she needed to do is say that she understood (nose growing as she said it!) and sign. The solicitor we used was well used to this, so it may be worth asking around. Having said that, I applied 3 months ago and am still waiting ... Apparently, there is a backlog.

There is quite a good thread on this on Martin Lewis's moneysaving website which may be worth reading too.

Good luck whichever path you take,
Thanks to everyone for your replies and for welcoming me ro the
Forum. It's good to know that there's support out there. We unfortunately cannot apply for Power of Attorney for my Mum, as the solicitor requires a form signed by her G.P. to say that is capable of giving her consent to POA, but the G.P. would not sign this form as she says my Mum's memory problems means that she will not understand well enough to give her consent. However, before going ahead with Guardianship the solicitor says we have to speak to my Mum about it and take account of her wishes (this is confirmed by the guidance for carers on the Scottish Government website). I don't know how we'll get her to agree to this as she doesn't realise that she has problems. But I'm going to try to follow Little Lamb's suggestion of keeping it as simple as possible.
I keep on posting here that carers should not consider taking any caring responsibility for anyone without a POA, but sadly, some folk are always too late. Tough luck, you just need to bite the bullet and throw a lot of money at the well-paid system. Or find a good day, plenty of coffee, and a sympathetic solicitor ... Image
Hi JAneA

I had not realised that you are in Scotland. I am too. I just assume that the most people on here are in England for some reason. I know a few who are in Scotland. You will be on the same law as me then.

I dont mean to be nosey but has your mum made a will out yet? If she is too incapable to go for Power of Attorney she will not now be able to make a will or a new will.

I am in total agreement with Scally on people should get all the legalities sorted out before taking on a caring role. Under Scots law my sibling can make a claim on my dad's estate even though she had not seen him for 15 years despite the fact that although she does not live in the same place her adult children do and they never once showed up at my dad's house. I dont yet know what she is going to do but after 18 years of caring the last 12 years on my own with only one week off 6 years ago I would advise that anyone taking on a caring role should enter into a Minute of Agreement with siblings which would outline the input of the carer and the other "Children" and the division of the estate when that day comes. Carers groups should organise that and Social Work should have it as part of the Carers Assessment but neither do anything about this issue. Even though my dad made a will duly signed by Doctors that he was of sane mind (my dad's problems where all physical) leaving everything to me my sibling has the option to make a claim on a proportion of the money but not the property.

Maybe you could discuss this with a Solicitor.

Good Luck

Little Lamb
Caring crept up on me, as it does with many people, I suspect. I have three siblings who are all willing to help, but the nearest lives half a day's journey away and the others live a day's journey away. I hadn't heard of the Minute of Agreement before so I might ask the solicitor about this. I know my parents made a will some years ago, while they were both fit and well, though I don't know what it contains.
The staff at the guardianship office in Falkirk are absolutely brilliant and will help you in any way they possibly can to cut down the costs of a solicitor.xx