Carers UK Forum

Hi

I have been caring for my husband for over 20 years.
We had 3 years together before he had a breakdown and was diagnosed with severe clinical depression.
Life has been very hard especially in the early days.
Financially we went from 2 wages to 1, making me the only breadwinner, getting no support whatsoever and no-one listening to my plea for help.
I never knew if my husband would be alive when I came home and lived with the guilt of having to work to keep his safe place (home) still. Juggling with my own health issues as well.
After 6 years of struggling I finally got some help albeit not reducing our problems but at least it was a start.
Over the years he has developed other issues such as ocd, stress, panic attacks, anxiety, hoarding and pulling hair. His hoarding has meant that I cannot have anyone come to the house, even someone to repair things.

I have to be wife, friend,carer, odd job man, cleaner etc.
Our hopes and dreams were shattered but we still have a bond that cannot be broken.
Friends and family deserted us as they did not understand depression and/or did not want to try to.
I found other carers are the best support over the years.
My mental health has ups and downs and I now have physical issues as well as sleep deprivation, but I am here and my husband is too.
We may not have a social life, holidays or money to burn but it is a case of just getting on with it.
Life can be lonely but that is something I can accept now although Covid-19 has made what little things I/we used to do disappear. Our treat was a cup of coffee out.

I lost my job through stress recently and finances are again tight which impacts on my husbands mental health but on a positive note he is more relaxed knowing I am at home whilst he sleeps during the day.

Thankfully there are carers out there who can listen and support each other.


I have accepted that this is my life and feel grateful for technology that helps me connect with others although I miss not being able to do the one thing I love - dancing!
Mind you I can get quite groovy when using the vacuum cleaner !

Hi and welcome.

I am sorry that you find yourself here, it sounds like you have had a tough ride. There are lots of people here who care for partners and know exactly what you are going through. I've been a carer for parents for around 10 years, my Dad who had complex needs died 2 years ago, so it is just my Mum who has Alzheimer's now. I also have school age children.
,
Do you ever get a break from the situation? It is really important that you get some time for you, hard as that might seem to achieve. Would you like to go back to work? There was a time when caring was utterly overwhelming for me and I was at breaking point, but I have a better balance now, largely thanks to the forum. I hope we can help you too. Even if it is just someone else to talk to. x

Hi Deborah,
Wishing you a warm welcome to the forum!

You're not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups
Share and Learn: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions - one of the online sessions covers Latin dancing for beginners, perhaps this would be a great way to get back into your love of dancing! Remember to book your place if you would like to attend the session on Friday 14th May which runs from 4-5pm.

If you would like any further advice, Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

They also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers' assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions


Best wishes

Lucy.

Thank you both.

I am glad to be here.

I have signed up for the latin motion.

Welcome, my mum was a hoarder, but in her case she put things away "safely" in a plastic bag, then another plastic bag to keep that one clean, then labelled it and put it away. in one of many chests of drawers, sideboards, blanket boxes, wardrobes... It took a year for me and my two sons to empty it. Our average height is 6ft, so not midget or weaklings!!
I didn't live with mum, no house was big enough for the two of us. In your situation could you get your husband to agree to you having one room as exclusively yours, so you can keep it free of his "stuff"?
Has he ever had counselling for hoarding?