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Mum cares for my sister - Carers UK Forum

Mum cares for my sister

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I don't know where to start
i am in remission from Schizophrenia since 20 yrs after diagnosis
my sister and me had a middle sister who had unremitting schizophrenia and was killed by a car when she absconded from 2 yrs in hospital and was 25 yrs old
for the past 6 years my youngest sister has been bullied horrendously by a guy and she has taken the bait and has added an entire psychotic back story to all of everything

She has crown court on Friday having breached restraining order against her abuser

PTSD, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Unstable Personality Disorder... (although I would add alcoholism and enduring psychosis - she was not all honest) these are diagnoses after a court psychiatrist. she had No support other than abusing my mum about how rubbish mum she is or me how i'm not her sister

She has suffered horrendous abuse
i don't know where to start.

Mum is 76 and was hit by a car in front of me a year ago.. her leg was hanging off half way up the shin and she had emergency surgery

My sister has more extreme self harm injuries than i could even imagine.
The elder abuse - towards my mum- no matter what way you look at it (poor me poor me pour me a drink) is horrific and has been going on in a one and now 2 bed flat for 6 yrs
I am moving to a hour and a half bus ride from mum's removing the support of her being able to easily access a safe haven
all for my husband\s work and so that my MIL can move with us because my FIL is dying.

I will be the ultimate carer of the family at some point i'm sure
I plan to make the journey 3 x staying over 1 x over each week

my mum said to me that she would have aborted both my sisters had she known in advance - how do I deal with that?
My remission is 12 years but i'm not in the clear i get psychotic if I add a small thing to the equation

my stress levels have gone through the roof
i don't know if my illness would have increased power over my life helping out my MIL whom i barely like... small doses - just us girls time is okay but god
when i say that she has a back story
i don't doubt she was raped abused drugged and beaten
by father boyfriends and bullies and rapists

but the spiritual angle of her back story is similar to my own psychotic states...

perhaps i should ask her if she understands a schizophrenic concept of analysis of the world as it is around them that my sister called 'body language'

that might be telling of Schizophrenia
I think honesty with a psychiatrist is completely impossible for her
as is everything that doesn't involve being in a darkened room
I am so sorry to hear about your distressing circumstances. I can imagine this must be a particularly difficult time for you in the run up to your sister’s crown court appearance, and preparations you are making in anticipation of your father in law’s death, and the increased needs your mother in law will have for support.

If you are worried for your mum’s safety because of the situation at home with your sister then please seriously consider referring your mum to her local safeguarding team (sometimes called MASH OR Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub). They can often provide a gateway to support. To find their contact details, search for ‘safeguarding’ on your mum’s local council website. You may find it useful to talk through your concerns about your mum with an organisation called Action on Elder Abuse who have a helpline you can call.

Alongside supporting your family, it is really important that you get support for yourself.

Have you been in touch with your local council to access support? Under the Care Act in England (and other legislation if you live in Scotland/NI/Wales) you are entitled to annual carer’s assessments through which you could be entitled to support if you meet the national eligibility criteria. Your mum should also have had a needs assessment to understand her needs for care and support. Please do get in touch with our adviceline – advice@carersuk.org – if you have any questions about your caring role.

Have you been in touch with any mental health organisations? Mind and Rethink Mental Illness provide a wealth of information and support to anyone affected by mental illness, and Mind provides information about support groups in your area. In addition, if you haven’t already spoken to them, your GP may also be able to provide you with support, for example counselling among other options.

I wish you well in your caring situation and hope you find the support you need and deserve both on this forum and elsewhere.

Links to the above organisations are below:

Acton on Elder Abuse https://www.elderabuse.org.uk/
Carers Assessment https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment
Needs assessment https://www.scope.org.uk/Support/Disabl ... ssessments
MIND information pages http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... minds.aspx
Katie,

You have a very complicated family history, and |I feel that amongst this the real happy carefree Katie hasn't had much opportunity to thrive.

You have every bit as much right to an enjoyable life as everyone else. Mum and sister may be unable to change their behaviour, and your role in life cannot be protecting them. They must take responsibility for their own lives.

I'm really concerned that you are now going to end up with yet more responsibility, caring for mum in law and father in law.

On the forum there are so many people who have bitterly regretted having parents move in with them. Please, please think this through carefully, especially given your own mental health issues. Why is MIL moving in with you?? It would be so much better if you kept your own homes. Tell us a bit more and we may be able to find a better solution for YOU and your well being.