[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
New to dementia journey - Page 77 - Carers UK Forum

New to dementia journey

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
938 posts
That sounds a lot happier - well done!
Visits have been fine of late. He has his aggressive moments with staff still. I don't ask. He had the Depravation of Liberty assessment yesterday. The assessor has decided to have a psychiatrist assess him. In my head I know it's for his well being. Why does my heart break that this has to happen? I feel I've gone into that shock mode again.
Yes, every change, every assessment, is difficult Pet. Be kind to yourself.
The psychiatric nurse saw hubby today. I had no idea . I was going to leave them to.chat, but he ( nurse) wanted me to remain. Hubby answered lots very logically, but other questions bizzarly. I didn't like him calling it a care home to be honest, but hubby didn't react. Quite emotional for me. However, I am glad I did stay. The DoLs assessor had recommended that hubby have another anti psychotic drug on top of the one he is already on. Luckily he doesn't agree. He is recommending an ' if and when needed' extra very small dose of the one he is on. When hubby is extra distressed or aggressive. I explained I am ok with that but definitely would have challenged the assessors recommendation. Hubby still has interests, in the TV , thinks he has been out, etc etc. I do not want him zombified ( as he was at one stage). As far as I am concerned, if he is challenging at times, he still has spirit. As long as he is safe. The staff know how to handle him, or should do!
Pet, surely as next of kin, with authority from the OPG, you should ALWAYS be involved in conversations like this?!

I agree totally with what you said, and I would make some sort of formal complaint about the DOLS assessor in a few days, when you have got over the stress of this.

Thank goodness you stayed.
Hi Pet,
Am very glad the Psychiatric nurse didn't agree with the DOLS assessor! Who was the DOLS assessor anyway and what was their background?

Did all this come about because of the one time hubby lashed out? Heaven forbid. That was dealt with, strategies are in place.

Make sure there is strict protocol written up re when the extra PRN medication can be administered and under what circumstances.

Who forgot to inform you of the assessment taking place? That needs addressing too.

Oh dear, there is always so much to sort out for our carees, isn't there.

So far, it seems the staff haven't used the if and when extra anti psychotic medication. He's had a couple of aggressive outbursts. Short lived fortunately.
Today I was very sensitive. Hubby still in bed, looking very unkempt and not comfy. Said he was. I asked a member of staff why he was still in bed, very politely I might add. The member of staff said she hadn't been in his room today, the others staff had. Ok, but before I could ask if he please could be encouraged up for lunch, she turned her back on me?! I moved away, then thought no, I am not having her turn away as though hubby and myself are a nusiance. As I turned to go to her, the agency staff asked if she could help.Afraid I was a bit offhand. Said I want to know what's going on with my husband. Worse still I started to cry. Damn. Went back to him, then another member of staff and the agency came to help him. I actually went to the girl who turned her back and told her how she made me feel. Of course there was the not at all reply,etc etc. Anyway hubby was ok, in his chair, waiting for lunch, at least looking as though he is cared for. I am sure I have the right to ask why he is still in bed at nearly lunch time.
Am feeling the pinch admittedly, as he seems to have taken a small step down in the confusion stakes.
Sorry rambling a bit. Need to get it off my chest.
Please Pet, don't berate yourself for being assertive and standing up for Hubby and for you. You were perfectly right to do so.

Pet, what you did was absolutely right. Staff need to understand how relatives are trying to put a brave face on but it is VERY difficult.
The nurse who turned her back was out of order. How did she react when you confronted her telling her how it made you feel?

I suspect you will not have been the only person she behaves like that to.

I do appreciate it's only 'fair' to 'make allowances' for the staff being stressed and overworked (and not well paid either), but it is part of their territory, just as with hospital nurses, that no one is there 'by choice' (whether residents/patients or visitors/relatives), and the stress on the latter is FAR greater than the stress on the caring staff (who can 'go home to easy lives' in comparison) (apart from those who also have difficult 'home lives', in which case they would understand the stress on family/visitors etc)

I think you did the best thing. Who else has your husband got to 'defend' him and 'root for him' if not you?
938 posts