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New to dementia journey - Page 67 - Carers UK Forum

New to dementia journey

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941 posts
Mrs A
The hospital have sent discharge papers with advice.
I do think the care in the home has gone down. We are on the fourth manager now, who make changes very quickly. The staff are very fond of hubby, but have to do as they are told. They don't seem to be listened to, even though they are with residents far more than nurses and management.
Yes, hubby's needs are more now. The nature of dementia sadly.
All I want is explanations, not to be pushed from pillar to post, and I want to be heard.
The home, apparently is still one of the better ones in the area.
Lots of relatives are unhappy at the moment. A relative and advocates meeting is scheduled for the 6th April.
In the meantime I m emailing the main manager with my concerns.
Hi Pet,
I do feel for you both-such a long time to be dealing with all this. I think the Care Home should be administering whatever medication has been prescribed by the hospital, end of.
The hoist issue is trickier , for the home its use guarentees (well almost) against any accidents during transfer. They are no doubt making their decision based on fear of being blamed should an accident occur during transfers if they used the stand aid. Stand aids are really only used where the person being transferred can fully weight bare. I remember when transferring Dad on stand aid at home that once he lost ability to weight bare the belt pulls too much below the shoulders. If your husband's ability to weight bare is unpredicatable then they would really have no alternative but to use the hoist, having said that I don't think Dad was ever hoisted in his care home, they had 2 care assistants help with transfers. As soon as he lost ability to weight bare he had 2 or 3 slips out of the chair and was then confined to bed with full bumpers for the last couple of weeks.
Pressure sores are very tricky indeed, every one likes to blame everyone else, carers, homes, hospitals and family when the sad reality seems to be that if someone is generally very imobile it takes an enormous amount of effort 24 / 7 to prevent them and sometimes they are worse than others for no obvious reason.
Pet, mum's home took regular photos of her pressure sores, so did the hospital when she was an inpatient. Under these circumstances, it's a matter of fact, rather than opinion as to whether or not they are improving So maybe ask to see their photos? If they aren't doing this, say it would be helpful to have a photographic record? So easy these days.
Thank you all
I knew you would make me see it ' out of the box"!
Henrietta, I'm grateful for your explanation about the hoist. He isn't able to weight bare now, but staff assure me he is ok with it . However, if someone had explained it as you have, I may not have felt so fraught. Still would like clarification on everything though
BB, I believe the pressure sores are photographed every so often. I wonder if the hospital did? Something for me to find out.
I try not to compare, or apportion blame, but being fobbed off, really does annoy me.
No advice but I am thinking of you.

When the District Nurses came out to deal with the cellulitis my husband had, they did take photographs to make sure that the redness was not increasing. The nurses also did this at the Wound Clinic when we visited for his pressure sore. So taking photographs does seem to be acceptable now and I would push for this. I can understand your frustration given that you are stuck between two sets of professionals giving conflicting advice.

Good luck at the meeting. If quite a few relatives are unhappy, then hopefully the Care Home will have to take complaints seriously.

I wonder what kind of care those people get who do not have relatives to fight heir corner with regard to the NHS and the Care Home? Your husband is very lucky to have you Pet but please take care of yourself over easter.
Rather annoyed with hubby's nursing home. Well the night staff. The day nurse saw fit to call the paramedics to hubby. Distended tummy again. I was assured of a phone call to let me know the outcome. This was at 5pm. 7.50 I telephoned them, knowing the day staff go off at 8. No reply. So I thought, well they are either doing the hand over, or are busy with residents. That's ok.Tried again at 10.30, 11pm 12pm. Still no reply. I had no idea if hubby was in hospital, or even if the paramedics had seen him. Today I went to the home, pleased to see hubby was there, looking reasonably comfortable. The nurse couldn't believe I hadn't been informed. Instructions were left to the night nurse to contact me. They have my landline, mobile number and my daughter's number. I had a worrying night, so did daughter 2.
Emailed the general manager and explained. To be fair she emailed me back in minutes, apologising. Cut me in to the email stating the cordless phone must be with a nurse at all times 24/7. Saying relatives entrust staff with loved ones and have a right to be in contact as much as needed. She will be checking tonight. I hope in future she will do spot checks.
Hubby, by the way is to have medication for a very slight impact.
This must seem like a rant. I couldn't get to hubby, as had the awful virus. Today, feeling better but still off colour, I had to go.
How stressful Pet. You do seem to be acting as Care Police at the moment, is the manager Matron aware of how many times recently you've had to complain? If she was running an efficient ship it just wouldn't happen. What was the nurse doing when she wasn't answering the phone?!?! She must have turned it onto Silent or someone would have heard it.
BB, I would really like to know what the night nurse was doing , or even the night carers. One of the day staff today will be complaining too. She had forgotten something which worried her at home, and tried phoning several times. No reply. Apparently it's always when the certain male night nurse is on duty. Hubby has been in the home for 2years now, and I wasn't aware that the one nurse should have the cordless phone with them at all times. There are 2 so one should be on charge and the other in use. I usually email the general manager when I have concerns, so yes she will know. She is a very good manager, but is over all the units on the complex ( about 6). Each unit has a manager. Hubbys unit has had 3 new managers in 9 months? Something is amiss. A new manager starting next week, so fingers crossed.
I'm honestly not a complainer for the sake of it. If his clothes are ruined, or shower gel is used up extremely quickly or his bed isn't made when I arrive, I accept that now, as long as he is cared for. Relatives are told ' you are important too, and need to look after yourselves" . The stress of the phone being ignored just doesn't help.
Pet, I'm in a similar situation with M. I'd far rather say thanks than moan.
New manager started today. I introduced myself to her and welcomed her. I pray she will be the right person, and the staff will feel comfortable. Sadly, they have bets on how long she will stay.
Hubby, well, still the ups and downs of dementia. Some visits are good, others not so good. Looking frailer. All very sad. I just have to treasure anything that is nice. I've taken a photograph in, me and him at a dinner/ dance. My hair was Auburn then. One of the staff commented about my red hair. He told them it's not red, it's Auburn! That was a lucid moment and I felt quite emotional.
941 posts