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Carers UK Forum • New to dementia journey - Page 59
Page 59 of 94

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:51 am
by Pet66
Hello Jaymarie
Goodness me! Thank you for your post. I feel humbled. Wouldn't get through without the forum to be honest. So many ' pen friends'
I will continue to post.

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:11 pm
by MrsAverage
Hi Pet
I too say keep the title, your log of your journey helps so many others. As you know, dementia isn't my area of caring, but I have passed so much of your experience on to friends and friends of friends. Little ripples spreading across a big big pond

Xx
MrsA

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:59 pm
by Pet66
Poor hubby. Bed rest today as the pressure sore is worse. He looked quite frail and didn't want to eat. I feel so sad. Something nice though. I couldn't reach him to give him a kiss, so put one on my hand then on his face. One of the staff was putting his clothes away, and said to him,' you really love P..... don't you. He said yes. So simple but made me teary.

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:35 pm
by Pet66
Today I have been on a mission. Hubby has looked very unkempt the last couple of days. Slumped in his bed. I understand that residents have the right of choice but best interests must be taken into account. Eventually an agency carer ( male) and a female agency carer gave him a good bed bath and the male carer gave him a lovely wet shave. Immediately hubby was much more comfortable and alert. Taking interest in the television and chatting to me. Even told the domestic that she was kind to make me a cup of tea. Fine line between choice and best interests. I have to say this doesn't happen often, and the home are short staffed today. Shouldn't happen at all. I was beginning to feel that I would have to visit every day and for much longer hours. Feel better now.

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:54 pm
by Melly1
Pet, That's so very true about getting the balance between personal choice and best interests. Applies to those with a learning disability too. It should never be used as an excuse to save time. Glad some personal care and attention perked him up. You and hubby have a great family network and they are your eyes and ears keeping a check on things, between your visits.

Melly1

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 4:31 pm
by Pet66
Today....I'm not sure?. Hubby greeted me with " oh there you are, I was getting worried about you" Have you had a little wonder round London? So my pacifying reply was given. So far ok. Later on an agency nurse asked him who I was. He said he didn't know. So I told him. When the nurse left I tentatively said " fancy forgetting me".He said he just didn't want her to know?? So, did he for a minute forget who I am, did he not want to explain, or did he get confused thinking she wanted to know who she was?
My heart lurched anyway. Just needed to write it down.

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 5:40 pm
by Melly1
(((Pet)))

Well personally I think the agency nurse asked a stupid question. She'd have been better saying something along the lines of, "Isn't it lovely to see your wife/ P, today," or similar, instead of putting poor hubby on the spot with such a daft question.

There are much kinder ways to test memory.

Melly1

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 6:17 pm
by jenny lucas
Well, at least she didn't ask him 'Have you got your teeth in, dear. Your TEETH!' in that patronising way that has become a caricature of dealing with the infirm elderly.....

But yes, it was hardly a 'sensible' question from any direction.

Sometimes when I visit MIL, and a carer may not be entirely sure who I am, she will say to MIL brightly 'Look who's come to see you!' which sort of covers both her ignorance, and MIL's forgetfulness.

(It's confusing enough to the staff that I call MIL 'Granny', as that is what I've always called her since her grandson was born - but then staff think 'Good Lord, she must be YEARS older than she looks, if her obviously very middle aged visitor is her grand-daughter!'.....!!!!!!!)

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 6:39 pm
by Melly1
It's confusing enough to the staff that I call MIL 'Granny', as that is what I've always called her since her grandson was born - but then staff think 'Good Lord, she must be YEARS older than she looks, if her obviously very middle aged visitor is her grand-daughter!'.....!!!!!!!)
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Melly1

Re: New to dementia journey

Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2018 4:53 pm
by Pet66
Visit today..... Hubby was in the bath, as the nurse is still trying to sort out the pressure sore. When I saw him I must admit it was lovely to see him in a shirt and cardigan, and one of the staff combing his hair. Gave him the usual kiss to which he responded. I often tell him I love him. Today he asked why. So I answered, and asked him why he loves me. Answer,because you are polite and kind!! I know, I risked having an answer that could have really upset me but the question tumbled out. Polite and kind will do.