New to dementia journey

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Pet, how scary. Get the nurse/ GP to refer him to speech therapy for an eating and drinking assessment. That will add clout to the sensible suggestions you are making.

Thanks for the hugs. Much needed BB. Hubby refuses to leave his room full stop. He thinks he does, been to work, been to a holiday resort, one day last week he had been giving evidence in court!! He tells the staff he will pop down later if they ask if he wants to go to the lounge. I don't honestly feel he would cope now with the house and busy busy residents. Likes his television, and quiet company. He should have it, in my opinion, with regular checks to see if all is ok.
(((More hugs))) Pet
How frightening for you. Have you made sure you put your request for soft food in writing?And its worth putting your other requests in writing too, as I know you are kind and lovely and nice but this needs formalising now.
Pet, I think it's quite usual as dementia advances for them to 'keep to their rooms more'.....I think 'other people' just become overwhelming. It must be like, for us, walking into a very noisy pub or wine bar, with shouting and music and noise and chaos etc, and we just want peace and quiet.

My MIL now is 'room bound' just about. They take her down to the dining room for lunch, but she has the afternoon/evening meal in her room.

I was wondering about the resident coming in and hitting him - if your husband is saying it's happening still it MIGHT be simply that it actually only happened 'once' but your husband's lack of time-sense means he thinks it's 'just happened'.....?? So it isn't actually confabulation, as it did once happen, but he thinks it's more recent than it is? I'm glad the resident has been moved now.

Has your father got a buzzer round his neck? My MIL in her first home had to have one (they all did), so if they fell they could press the buzzer for help. That said, I guess if the dementia is too advanced they wouldn't know to press it - I was thinking if your dad had one and that resident, or anyone, came in again, he could immediately press it (and that very scary choking incident - that is definitely not good)(hope the soft food sorts it....)

Oh, what a worry and sadness it all is for you........
Jenny. He is my husband not my father. It's actually the anniversary of my dad's passing today. Both my parents and hubby's all died of cancer. All very young. Middle 50s and very early 60s.
Back to your query, I'm not sure hubby would keep the buzzer found his neck, or remember what it's for? He was in such a state yesterday with the choking I doubt he would have thought to press a buzzer.
Hubby didn't say the hitting happened more than once, thank goodness. But in his mind it really happened. Afraid I will never really know, but I do know fixations can start with dementia. He doesn't remember some staff but he recognises this man.
I feel a little battle weary today.
Pet - so sorry, slip of the keyboard! (I did, thankfully, say husband further up). Apologies. Sorry the buzzer round the neck wouldn't work, as is so often the case in dementia. My pool MIL wouldn't even know it was round her neck, and would simply continually take it off.....

I do hope this is just a 'tricky patch' with your husband, and things get less weary for a while at least....

(I notice my MIL chokes very easily now - she did it twice, not seriously, but quite obviously, when I took a cream tea in the other day for her in her room. She got quite distressed by it. I suppose they don't know what is happening, but it's frightening. It's frightening to feel you can't get your breath in any circumstances of course, but worse when you don't really understand what and why.....)
I always thought my brother was on a different planet... until today...

one of the big difficulties with my situation is that the 'poor ould fella' has only been my partner 7 years - we don't have a lifetime of memories, we don't have lovely children/ grandchildren to love, we only had about 3 happy years before his 'oddities' started.... where do I draw the Caring Line/ I had discussed this with Social Services, and an outline plan in mind...
Brother who lives 200+ miles away has obviously been talking to people about my plight, and his advice is that I must continue to do my best for the 'poor ould fella' but in a lot of dementias the sufferer becomes aggressive and maybe even violent, and the people my brother has discussed this with say they can go through this because of the long history they share with their partner... brother's advice to me, this point,if and when it happens, is where I draw my line - and, you know, I agree. thanks bro!
Hi Pet
Sorry to hear about the frightening incident your husband went through. If you still have the CHC review ahead of you make sure to mention this incident in detail.
It is unacceptable for the home not to be providing suitable meals. Does he have a written care plan in place specifying soft food diet? Maybe worth asking for if not already done.
Hi Henrietta
It seems the nursing home are reviewing hubby's care plan. I definitely will be mentioning the choking fit. I've quite a few things written down ready for when it happens.
He now has blisters on his elbow. Antibiotics given as the doctor said they are a viral infection? Im going to speak to the manager as I want clarification that his specialised chair is cleaned when hubby in bed. He is it from breakfast to bedtime, apart from toileting. Always something.
Bit anxious today. DD visited hubby. He's on the kick of being lost on a boat again. This happened when he had delirium, and UTI. We are having problems in finding out if he has had a UTI test of late, or if he is still on the low dose antibiotics long term. To me, it shouldn't be a problem to do a test, or tell us re medication. I phoned, yet again, waiting for a return call. I realise it could be the Dementia, but I have a right to know if they have tested.
545 posts