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New to dementia journey - Page 26 - Carers UK Forum

New to dementia journey

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
938 posts
Hi pet66 have a fab day with your GD relax and chill out seeing it is your last before she is off to uni you deserve it Take Care xx
Ah, I didn't get that bit! But yes, such remarks, however much one puts it down to the illness, do hurt, it's true.

I think that settling down into an 'every other day' routine seems perfectly 'fair' to both of you.

Hope today is a little easier on you!
Had a nice greeting yesterday. Poor hubby was so so uncomfortable with the sore. As I walked into his room a nurse followed me to ask him if he wanted paracetamol. He told her his bum was painful. His words.
She told him she would come back. After an hour and 15mins of me running backwards and forwards to staff telling them he was getting distressed another nurse went to him. He was then put to bed rest and was much better. I was so agitated for him. He said he doesn't know what he would do without me. Makes me cry thinking of it as I feel so rubbish that I can't care for him.
I have set the ball rolling about getting a better chair for him. One of the residents wives who has now become a friend, bought her husband a recliner that isn't suitable for him. My hubby is going to try it out. Fingers crossed it's suitable. I can pay for it, and the money can go towards the new chair on order for her husband. The chair in hubby's room isn't comfortable for him, even with the pressure cushion. Gets grubby as well.
Sadly the chair didn't work out for hubby. Slipping and sliding in it. The remote for it is missing. I do feel for my friend. It was alot of money. Am now going to have a chair specially made for hubby.
Today,I found seeing him in this dementia state exceptionally painful. Feel like I've gone backwards with coping. Am sure the family doing the memory walk yesterday has stirred these feelings. Hubby wasn't unhappy at seeing me. I found it hard to cope with the confabulations. Need to find some strength again to cope. I expect all of the paperwork still going on etc makes it more stressful.
Feel sorry for myself and family today, and feel so sad for hubby.
Hubby had to have the statuary DoLs assessment. The assessor phoned me yesterday. Was pleased I knew quite a bit about the assessments. Had to learn haven't I!
I'm upset though, not about the assessment,but the fact hubby told her his address was his parents home. We've been in our home since 1980. Lots of happy times, some not so happy but we've worked through together. I know it's the dementia, and things will get worse, but it's stung me. The same as he told my friend he hadn't seen me and I had only left the room 10 mins before. Went to pay his funds. Logic and the pain of it all just don't mix I'm afraid.
Pet, I'm wondering whether what is going on in your husband's mind is that he 'knows' that when he was with you, in the marital home, he was already starting to lose memories, feel confused and uncertain, and so on. BUT, he also 'knows' that when he was a child/young man living with his parents, he was 'fine'. So maybe he's saying he lives at his parents address because he feels that is where he was last 'safe' if you see what I mean??

It may also be associated with what is commonly held to be very likely, that as dementia proceeds, it attacks short term memory first, but long term memories, which are more 'resilient' (they've been there for decades and decades etc) are harder to lose. So he may well simply remember his parents' address better than his marital address.

I can still remember all sorts of 'odd' things about my parents' house - I can even remember the Reg number of their car, and we are talking half a century ago - and I can't even properly remember my own Reg number of my current car!

So maybe, maybe that is what is happening now with your husband??
Who really knows what goes on in dementia? I know memories muddle up. Seems common that parents addresses come forward in the mind. I know it's the illness and not really him. Doesn't stop the hurt though and the fight not to take it personally. My newly found friend at the home ( older than me) has been through all of this. She said she has had to harden herself to to declines. Still catches her out at times. Some days are much worse than others.
Hi pet66 sorry you had to deal with hubby getting mixed up like that no matter what we try to get used too and what we try to harden ourselves too there is always that little chink in our hearts that get hurt time and time again but you know what you actually wouldn't be human if you didn't am sending lots of ((((((Hugs)))))) and loving wishes Take Care xx
We went to take my Mum out yesterday and had to make sure one of the other very elderly residents didn't follow us out of the door. She continually walks the corridors and tries to leave. I said to Mum "is this the lady who keeps trying to get into your room?" and Mum said "Yes poor dear, she's looking for her mother, she just wants her mum but she's been dead over 50 years"
I felt very small indeed.
It must be even more distressing when it's someone you know and love
My respect to all you dementia carers
Today the GM is rearing its head. I visited hubby. He was just finishing his dinner. He seemed ok. Neither happy or irritated at seeing me. But then he slept and slept! Woke up when a nurse came in. I had taken a little trifle which he enjoyed. Then back to sleep. I crept out without saying goodbye. Now I feel terrible! I never do that usually and I don't even know why I did it today? Especially as occasionally he says I've disappeared on him. Whoops.
938 posts