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New to dementia journey - Page 32 - Carers UK Forum

New to dementia journey

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936 posts
BB, yes they have family and advocates meeting every 3 months or so. They have one on Friday. However, given the Ist time I went and the minutes were taken incorrectly, causing misunderstanding on something I said, I haven't attended another one. I'm going to see the manager in person on Wed. I would email, but she is a new manager, (very good, so far.). I haven't her email address. I agree with you. One of the male visitors and I discussed it when he was having his much needed ciggie outside! All we know is notice up, stating to stay where we are if he alarm goes off. The bedroom doors automatically shut. We need to know more.Dont know why I haven't considered it before now?!
Sooner you see manager the better, to put your mind at rest. Dunno if this helps but I have attended staff training sessions (FOC) evacuation and fires etc. I am sure staying behind closed fire doors is initial best course of action and set down procedure in all Care home facilities.
Often delays occur on reopening doors cos fire brigade and/or maintenance may have been alerted and there WILL be procedures in place to double check reality.
The staff will,be busy reassuring residents and ensuring the "suspect culprit" ( ;) ) is distracted and calmed and diverted to another activity.
The agency staff in lounge? Probably spent the time calming other residents and would have been waiting for fire doors themselves, probably. NOthing more they could do at that point.

Sorry you both had this to deal with this today......next time you may find it easier. It tends to be quite common. I used to tell mine it was a fire practice (used to have that weekly too).
Pet........everyone is unique (my mantra!) but I decorated his room for Christmas...mostly sticky festive things on his windows. Tended to say "WE" need to add some festive cheer here. (Like you I never mentioned the words our home or house or our garden... just drifted into his world as if no other worlds existed). Also played traditional music for him/us....just mentioning it in case it helps. And he had a couple of Christmas jumpers......ensured at least a smile and conversation from staff and other visitors. Ignore me if inappropriate.

Unless he is on special diet or puréed stages maybe a dish of fruit or treats of some kind too, with tinsel chucked in the bowl.
Do feel free to tell me to shut up (if you add a "please" I won't get offended lol)
I wouldnt dream or want to tell you to shut up!! Advice is given freely, with a good heart, ( on this forum anyway).We can all take or reject advice as we feel.
I agree, it is always 'we'. He's not on a special diet, and I take some sort of goodie every visit. Mindful of what I take though, because he rather likes the sweet things now. I'm still a little reluctant about too much tinsel etc. He is at the stage where things can mither him. Even if he forgets. Will take something Christmasy on the day. As he doesn't come out of his room, he doesn't see the trees and decs that the staff have sorted, beautifully I might add. He has his ornamental robin which he seems to love. It's never far from him anyway.
As far as the agency staff, it seems , and this is hearsay, that they were running around in a bit of a state. The visitor pointed out the flashing light. I'm not apportioning blame, if they are not told what to do, then it's not their fault. It's that time of year isn't it, staff holidays needing to be used up so shortage of permanent staff. Just one of those unfortunate visits that went pear shaped. I will definitely speak to the manager though. She has a lot of understanding, as her own husband has rapid onset dementia, in a nursing home. He is only 55. Doesn't recognise her, sadly, but always asks for the family dog. Somewhere there is always someone worse off isn't there. Although this emotional pain is unique.

PS we watch,at the moment some Christmasy old films. He absolutely loves his TV.
Well, Christmas day wasn't without a hitch! Arrived to find hubbys leg terribly swollen and the skin shiny and tight. His first words to me were, the doctor hasn't been yet. He was eating his dinner and didn't seem in pain. So, I waited a while, showed him the couple of polo shirts I bought and his leatherette slippers, ( he thought they were leather). Didn't mention Christmas. Then I went to the nurse. They were keeping an eye on him.
Then I went to DD 1 for dinner. Later in the evening had a phone call. The doctor decided that Hubby should go for an x-ray just in case of a blood clot. Not immediately, but this morning. Gave a blood thinning injection in his stomach. So I was rather anxious. He's back from the hospital now, all seems ok. Hubby cheerful! I won't visit now, as he will have something to eat, and probably fall asleep, as the day has been eventful.. I will go to the nurse tomorrow and talk through the situation. He is imobile, but I'm wondering if somehow we can get him to move his legs? Circulation booster perhaps?
Stayed at my daughter's last night. Enjoyed the dinner!
Hi Pet,
glad to hear hubby is still cheerful despite his leg. Must've been very worrying.

I'm sure BB has mentioned a circulation booster on here somewhere, but I can't remember the context.

Does the home have a visiting physio? We have children at school who have limited/ no mobility and they have physio programmes that consist of passive movement exercises that the staff do, moving and stretching their limbs etc The children also have massage, but I don't know if that would be appropriate on delicate skin.

When my legs were swollen after various ops I had to spend part of each day with my feet raised higher than my heart.

Have to admit I was very worried. Middle of the night overthinking.
No, the home doesn't have a physiotherapist unfortunately. I am going to have a chat with the nurse tomorrow. She's worked wonders with sorting Hubby's needs. Obviously will have to ask the GP about the circulation booster. Can but try. Like others, I'm feeling the strain. Even though he was looked after.
You feeling any better now? X
Felt the pain today. Hubby had a slight kick of me being unfaithful.( I think) The words he used may not have had the same meaning? I asked him if he remembers how long we've been married. He didn't. Told him and that he's the person I love. He seemed to accept that. Then he asked if I had seen his mom. The usual, she can't possibly come out in this dreadful weather. Wouldn't want her to fall. He agreed and said not at 80! She died at 64. Then I chanced asking if he knows how old I am. He said he would have to work that out, but with a cheeky grin. I played along and said you cheeky bugger! He did show some concern for me. I nearly tripped over my back, and he said " be careful". That was nice. However,as said, today was painful. Things are going wrong at home as well. Only cosmetic, but I feel on my own. Sad pet66 today.
Sorry hubby said something hurtful today. Sounds like he was a bit confused and having to fill the blanks with guesswork. Nice he showed concern when you nearly tripped. It's harder to cope with hassles at home when you are feeling emotional and grieving for what-was.

I hope you have a few nice things arranged this week/month to look forward to.

I'm meeting my granddaughter on Tuesday for the Nanny day as they call it! She will be going back to uni next weekend.Then meet my friend on the 26th. Hoping to meet up with my sister sometime soon.
I had that dreadful feeling of I'm not doing enough for Hubby a couple of days ago. I told the manager how I felt. She assured me that there is nothing more l can do. Also said that in her experience, she feels that visitors should, if they can, occasionally take 2 days away. She's observed that family members seem more refreshed with it. So.... I'm going to try this weekend to take 2 days. Don't know whether I will succeed! I know I couldn't do that very often. Maybe once a month/ 6weeks. Every other day is my routine. I'm feeling a bit emotionally weary at the moment. Will see how it pans out. I'm trying not to let the GM get to me for even considering it.
936 posts