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New to caring - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

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Breezey wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 5:09 pm
I was just about to post as Bowlingbun has - do get a review on your grandads care needs because that is not enough and doesn't give him any care that he needs.

Ask your church - vicar? priest? pardon me for not knowing, to come and pay a visit to him.
See if that will get some help and support going.

You need to sort carers allowance urgently so you can get your back pay of carers allowance and your NI credits paid. If this is not sorted and the social workers are saying he has to go into a home ask them to support you in getting your back credits for NI.
Thanks Breezey, I will call my aunt and tell her to get a review on the care needs sorted. What's in place now doesn't do anything for him.

The priest came today. He was rather useless. He didn't ask if I needed any support or offer any help. So it feels like that's an avenue of support that's firmly shut :(

Ok, thanks, I will look into getting that sorted.
You didn't ask for any help so then the priest presumes you don't need any - that is if there is any help to be given. Be bold next time and ask what help or support can be given from the church, you can but ask if there is any support from the church and the congregation but don't hold your breath.
You do NOT have to ask aunt's permission for ANYTHING!!

YOU are the carer, you do what's right for you and grandad. If they don't like it, that's tough.
After all, aunt shouldn't have dumped this on you in the first place.
Breezey wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 6:16 pm
You didn't ask for any help so then the priest presumes you don't need any - that is if there is any help to be given. Be bold next time and ask what help or support can be given from the church, you can but ask if there is any support from the church and the congregation but don't hold your breath.
You make a good point. My uncle is round this evening, and when I expressed my concerns to him - i.e. not being able to dress himself properly - he was really surprised, as he didn't think that was an issue, and agreed that the needs assessment needs redoing. Spoke to my aunt and she said the same thing. I think you have touched on part of the problem which is that I'm presuming everyone knows the full extent of the situation when that isn't true.
bowlingbun wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 7:46 pm
You do NOT have to ask aunt's permission for ANYTHING!!

YOU are the carer, you do what's right for you and grandad. If they don't like it, that's tough.
After all, aunt shouldn't have dumped this on you in the first place.
Thanks bowlingbun. I didn't ask for her permission but I did suggest that we get another needs assessment done and she agreed that it needs doing. Will the assessment need to be done with the care agency we currently have in place, or does a whole new one need doing by the council?
Imogen_2210 wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 8:34 pm
Breezey wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 6:16 pm
You didn't ask for any help so then the priest presumes you don't need any - that is if there is any help to be given. Be bold next time and ask what help or support can be given from the church, you can but ask if there is any support from the church and the congregation but don't hold your breath.
You make a good point. My uncle is round this evening, and when I expressed my concerns to him - i.e. not being able to dress himself properly - he was really surprised, as he didn't think that was an issue, and agreed that the needs assessment needs redoing. Spoke to my aunt and she said the same thing. I think you have touched on part of the problem which is that I'm presuming everyone knows the full extent of the situation when that isn't true.
Changes can be so gradual they aren't noticed or others are so busy with all their other demands in life they don't notice.

Your week away will be a timely wake up call for them to see you grandad - their father's deterioration.

Ask Social Services for a care needs assessment and in the assessment establish his deterioration and that his needs are greater and that the carer only does x, y and z but he needs more, then they will discuss with you the needs and how it will be addressed with the care company to review his care plan and how many calls a day he gets. In this discussion you state what you are not prepared to do, set your boundaries for you will not do for your grandad.

I would suggest that you have your uncle with you for this because it might not be an easy meeting, the social worker might try to make out your grandfather as more able than he is, try to coerce you into doing what you don't want to or say oh you've got plenty of family to help. Be prepared and on your guard just in case you get such comments from them.

Ask your uncle to back you up eg personal hygiene especially below the waist not something you will do and not being appropriate for you to do.
Breezey wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 8:53 pm
Imogen_2210 wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 8:34 pm
Breezey wrote:
Thu Oct 06, 2022 6:16 pm
You didn't ask for any help so then the priest presumes you don't need any - that is if there is any help to be given. Be bold next time and ask what help or support can be given from the church, you can but ask if there is any support from the church and the congregation but don't hold your breath.
You make a good point. My uncle is round this evening, and when I expressed my concerns to him - i.e. not being able to dress himself properly - he was really surprised, as he didn't think that was an issue, and agreed that the needs assessment needs redoing. Spoke to my aunt and she said the same thing. I think you have touched on part of the problem which is that I'm presuming everyone knows the full extent of the situation when that isn't true.
Changes can be so gradual they aren't noticed or others are so busy with all their other demands in life they don't notice.

Your week away will be a timely wake up call for them to see you grandad - their father's deterioration.

Ask Social Services for a care needs assessment and in the assessment establish his deterioration and that his needs are greater and that the carer only does x, y and z but he needs more, then they will discuss with you the needs and how it will be addressed with the care company to review his care plan and how many calls a day he gets. In this discussion you state what you are not prepared to do, set your boundaries for you will not do for your grandad.

I would suggest that you have your uncle with you for this because it might not be an easy meeting, the social worker might try to make out your grandfather as more able than he is, try to coerce you into doing what you don't want to or say oh you've got plenty of family to help. Be prepared and on your guard just in case you get such comments from them.

Ask your uncle to back you up eg personal hygiene especially below the waist not something you will do and not being appropriate for you to do.
Thanks Breezey. Last night I submitted another care needs assessment and was really blatant about everything he struggles with and the support he needs. How long does it usually take before I'll be contacted, do you think?

That is a good point. I will ask my uncle if he can be there when I'm contacted about the meeting.

Also, that illness I mentioned? Covid. So I have to look after him now whilst being positive for Covid :(
Hi Imogen

oh my goodness no wonder you felt bad, you shouldn't be anywhere near him with covid, you should be being looked after and resting or in bed if really ill with it.

No idea when they will get back to you, perhaps chase them up within a week but it's a good that you detailed everything. I hope you hear soon.
Ring Social Services and demand emergency carers as you are ill.