I found that one of the hardest things about being a mum of a special needs child is learning to be more assertive and a bit toughter. It's really important to nip the behaviour of both MIL and spoilt little cousin in the bud as soon as possible. Your son needs these people on his side, but they clearly need educating, which is where the assertiveness comes in. Next time cousin takes something you son is playing with, explain to the cousin that it was Freddy's and she must not take things which are his without asking first. Then take the toy off the cousin, and give it back to your son. If he wants to touch his cousin, just explain to her that he wants a hug. (My son has LD, not Downs and always had to touch girls long blonde hair, it fascinated him) Mother in law sounds like she is a problem - which ideally your husband needs to tackle. Your son has just as much love as the cousin, and again, you need MIL on your side, certainly you don't want the other cousin to be the obvious favourite for the rest of your lives. MIL should be supporting you and your son, but I wonder if she is not sure how to help or what to do? Could you pass on to MIL any leaflets or books which you have found useful? When you have the early development team come next week, ask them for advice too. Ask the people who run the playgroup if they could make time for a mum's session every so often to discuss things like this over a coffee. I assure you, it will be something which concerns others, but they may not feel confident enough yet to raise the issue. At our special needs playgroup, the children went into the playroom, and the mums into a separate room for a chat and coffee. This was where my own help and support really started. 33 years later, some of us are still in touch. Hope that gives you some ideas. Take care.