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New Post. New Member. But nothing new.... - Carers UK Forum

New Post. New Member. But nothing new....

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello one and all ( assuming somebody reads this ! ) Yes I am a new member and this is my first message or posting or whatever. But I guess, although I have never met you, you will not be surprised by what I might say. Likewise, I might not be surprised by what you might say. I am very happy caring for my elderly Mum. Its partly my duty but its more than that.

I took early retirement four or five years ago. I had such plans - Well a couple of half thought out plans, but in time they would have been Grand Plans I assure you ! I was hoping to stretch my wings. Events caught me by surprise. I dont know why. Now instead of spreading my wings and soaring I just get in a flap ! Okay, so you dont like puns...... But you get the idea.

I tried Mum for a couple of nights in a Home. She hated it. She has some Carers over the week-ends but that does not work too well and is costly. Even when I have my 'time off' on the week-ends, Mum is very much on my mind. Having said that I am sure that many of the people here would simply love a couple of days off. I am lucky I guess. I get stressed. I cannot cope with Mum being in pain and her anxieties and feel its all down to me.

Anyway, I don't have a question to post as such. But if you have an answer do let me know ! Meanwhile, hello to you. I'm happy to hear from anyone in a similar situation. Or if you are not.

Robert
Well... I like the way you write Robert. Often when people are going through what you are I reassure them that they're not the only ones feeling it, but it seems you're already aware of that. I haven't got many answers but I think just by being carers we're all in the same situation to some extent.
Don't know if there's much I can advise, but you're right, I know most of those feelings and I know it's not easy to switch off from Carer-Mode when you finally do get a day off.
Anyway, glad to have you on the forum and a warm welcome from me.
I may be back when I'm less tired to say something a little more useful Image
Hi Robert,
Welcome! Image
x
Hi Robert and welcome to the forum

I, too retired a few years ago with great plans for the future and like you ended up caring for my Mum (now 88 with Alzheimers and mobility problems) full time instead - so been there, done that, got the t-shirt Image Image

I agree with Audrey a 'couple of nights' respite care is not long enough Image I was able to persuade
my Mum to have one week's respite care back in early summer so that I could have a break (not having had one for 5 years !). The first couple of days she could be found by the front door of the care home at 5pm ready to 'go home', but did settle for the week. Unfortunately her Alzheimers has now progressed to the point where she is now in full time care - been there for nearly 3 months. She is reasonably settled, although we do have 'bad' days when she seems to hate being there, but then on her 'good' days she loves it - thankfully we are now getting more good days than bad ones Image

Do I feel selfish and guilty for wanting my life back ? Yes.
Would I go back to being her 24/7 carer ? No.
Hi Robert,
Welcome to the forum, I cared for years , your
post rang bells with me right away, it's very hard to switch off. you always think
off their health , in pain etc. your human. I hope this site helps you, they are
a great bunch of people here. I also like the way you write, very witty. Nice to
have you with us.
Take care
Minnie Image
hi Robert and welcome Image

When you work out the question, ask here and you're guaranteed an answer! Though it might not be the one to the question!:lol: Image
Welcome to the forum Robert. I'm in the same situation, caring for my 80 year old mother who has dementia, and I'm there with the one man show (or one woman in my case) despite a sibling who lives near by. We can be our own worst enemies at times when it comes to asking for help - especially if the sibling says he / she is willing to help but always seems to have more urgent things to do...