I'm a nurse caring for my mum who has dementia and lots of physical problems and she is now bedbound. I've been doing this for four years now. I gave up work and moved halfway across the country to do this, supposedly to support my sister who lived nearby and was recently retired. The problem I have is that although I'm a very capable person, I feel that this works to my disadvantage in that my family feel that I'm more capable than I really am. my sister very quickly withdrew her support, but I have other family who are giving more support as Mum gets more debilitated. However my sister is the nearest person I can talk to when things get tough - as they often do. But when I try to tell her how I feel - she puts the phone down on me. I think she feels guilty for not being able to offer more support - but we can't discuss this because of the way she is. I feel I was manipulated into this situation, but discussion is proscribed - and that goes for the whole family.I really need somewhere I can ventilate my feelings about my situation because if I really let my sister know what I really think it would cause more problems than I can deal with. I love my Mum dearly - as do we all and would still have done everything to ensure she remained in her own home - I'm just finding it difficult to cope with my sister's attitude and lack of support. Sorry - long post - feeling down and not sure where I should be - I'm sure there are lots of other people in my position.
So what does your sister do with her time? Pass it in leisure now she's retired?
Not on!
If she doesn't give any actual help to her mum, and she gives you no emotional support either while YOU care for her mum, well, waste of space is the phrase that comes to mind!!
When did you last have a break away from caring? Book a week somewhere, tell your sister, outline for her on paper all the stuff your mum needs doing, and then go.
Your sister MUST do some of the careload.
OR, you get professionals in to give you the breaks you MUST have, and they are paid for by your mum.
What are your mum's finances? Can she pay for any care herself?
Also, has she made a will? Because if her will leaves your sister as much as it leaves you, you MUST 'take a wage' from your mum (because she can't now make a new will, given her dementia) so that you are getting recompense for the work you are doing. Utterly unfair if, when your mum dies, your sister just puts out her hand for the same amount of money as you get!!!
Just because you are a nurse, does not make you the 'automatic' person in the family who has to look after your mum. Others must do their bit, and you must be 'paid' by your mum for what you do - even if you do willingly and for love!
All the best (oh, and welcome t the forum!!!)
Kind regards, Jenny