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I'm New on here - Carers UK Forum

I'm New on here

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Hi Guys
I found this website whilst looking for help and feeling totally overwhelmed and not sure how to go forward.
I am a carer for both my elderly parents who have health issues and whilst they still live in their own home and can manage on a day to day basis rely on me totally for transport, organising hospital visits, shopping and anything that needs any sort of organising.
I am also a carer for my husband who has cancer and we have a young child of 4.
I work 3 days a week but am considering stopping this as there just isn't enough hours in the day and definitely no time for me to do any of the things I used to enjoy.
This would be financial crippling but I just can't think of any alternative. I am wondering if anyone can advise me on the best way to do this to maximise any help both financial and physical we are able to get.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I hope to hear from anyone who is able to help.
Hi and welcome.
Would your parents consider having an assessment of their needs? Or having a home help for an hour or 2 to make sure they are ok and who could also then do their shopping?
That would give you a little more time and you could also ask for an assessment for yourself.
Giving up work is a big step, maybe cut down instead if this is possible.
I'd also suggest you give the help line a ring as they will be able to tell you what financial help you are entitled to as it all depends on circumstances.
Hello, welcome to the forum. At one stage my husband and I were running a business, caring for M, our son with severe learning difficulties and supporting both sets of parents, all entitled to highest DLA care, one set a few miles in one direction, the others a few miles in the other direction.We nicknamed ourselves the Thunderbirds, ready to set off at a moments notice, any time of the day or night! Three of them have now passed away, but I'm left with permanent health problems as the result of doing too much for too long, and my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. Don't let this happen to you. Any parent would rather be cared for by their child than anyone else, but it's not always practical. You don't have to take them to hospital and doctor appointments, they can take a taxi, or arrange a voluntary driver or hospital car, depending on the circumstances. Do the bulk of their shopping online for them, it saves huge amounts of time. Make sure that they have streamlined their house (and yours) as much as possible. Your husband and son must be top priority for you, and your parents need your support with this. With our parents, the more we did the more they expected. Now I time my visits with mum, going mid afternoon, but saying I must leave in an hour to go to put the tea on for the family. Sometimes I'm asked to do something which will take longer, then I say I'll do that another day. This might make me sound lazy, but after counselling I'm really clear what my priorities are. Staying healthy is now desperately important, if I'm feeling tired I'll put off all non urgent jobs. M. is top priority, because he needs me most; then my business, so I can afford to eat and live; then mum; then housework at the bottom. I had counselling to help me work this out, you might find it useful too. Also check that everyone is getting the right benefits - have a look at the top of the page, there is a "Help and Advice" tab which will take you to loads of useful information.
hi welcome to forum
Hi Guys
Thank you for your responses. I will definitely call the help line. I wasn't aware I could have a carers assessment. Who do I ask for that?
I did ask Social Services for help with my parents when my husband was diagnosed but it took them 3 months to get back to me and the general response seemed to be you are managing so we won't do anything.
I have organised a cleaner for my parents but its the day to day things like organising and attending hospital appointments that take up a lot of time. I do use hospital transport when I can but have to go to the consultants appointments as they get confused and don't understand what is going on.
When my dad gets out of hospital this time I thought I would ask Age Concern for their help.
Thanks again and any further advice will be greatly received.
Write to Social Services and make a "formal request" for a "needs assessment" for both your parents and a "Carers Assessment" for yourself. Send it recorded delivery so there is no doubt that it arrives (which will show you mean business). How do they know that anyone is managing alright before they've done an assessment?! If dad is in hospital at the moment then these assessments should be done and a "Care Plan" should be drawn up before his discharge, making sure that any aids, adaptations and paid carers are arranged too.