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Newbie - Carers UK Forum


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Hi all

I live in Northern Ireland and care for my elderly parents who are 83 and 86. Mum is mostly okay mentally but physically she's not good. Dad, however, is the opposite as he is great physically but is really losing it mentally. So between the two of them it can be a hard slog at times!!! I've no support from my sister so it all falls on my shoulders but I love them to bits and know I'm lucky to still have them
Welcome. You will receive some very helpful posts from the experienced member's of this forum and lots of support. I'm still sort of a newbie and it's been my lifeline. However, you say you are lucky to have your parents. That's as maybe,but from where I am I think they are very lucky to have you!! They won't if you reach burnout stage though and I sense that's approaching. Maybe your GP can be a starting point? Seems assessments are needed. Xx
Hi Aine, welcome to the forum.
I support all four of our parents, all four entitled to highest DLA (one too stubborn to apply though!). I also have a son with severe learning difficulties, now 37.
A friend of mine cared for his mum until she was 104, he missed out on so much, by the time he was free he was too old to do many of the things he'd planned. Don't let this happen to you.
Successful caring should be a balance of their needs and yours. First step is to ring Social Services to find out what help and support and information is available to them. Every area is different. Then you should ask SSD for a Carers Assessment.
Whether or not mum and dad have any money above £23,000 approx. will decide whether they get any help. This is a good time to bring together all the details about their financial situation into one place. If you haven't sorted out a Power of Attorney for both finance and Health and Welfare, do it without delay.
Come back to the forum with any questions you might have, there are lots of current and former parent carers.
Hi - a very 'quick post in passing' so to speak!

If your sister does sod all for her parents, please make sure that they are paying YOU for the care you are giving them. Not because you need to get paid, but to ensure that your sister, when the time comes and your parents are no more, does not hold out her hand for half of whatever they leave, considering she hasn't lifted a finger to look after them!

(And it doesn't matter if the reason she isn't caring is because, say, she holds down a high powered job, has fourteen children and a dog to look after her - that was her choice!)

Over and over again on this forum we read of siblings who do sod all, and seem to think it's fine and dandy to expect another brother or sister to take on Mum and Dad. (Often, they arrive twice a year to tell you what you're doing wrong!!!!! then drive off again....)(they're called 'helicopter siblings' here!)

Do hope your sister has GOOD reasons for not helping (eg, a sick husband herself, or something!)