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New Member -Caring for spouse - Carers UK Forum

New Member -Caring for spouse

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Hi Im a newby here... Im a 28 yr old woman caring for my fiance of 40 yrs who suffers from an aray of illness's mainly CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome). He is an amputee (left leg below knee) post being caught in a house fire some yrs ago & receiving 40% burns (waist down) and undergoing over 50 general anaesthetics in the attempt to save the skin on his legs. Some years later at the stage of undergoing his last skin graphing operation after several different therapies including that of hydrotherapy, he contracted MRSA while in the hospital & was faced with only one option to save his remainder leg (the areas unaffected by mrsa at the time) which was to amputate below knee to save his life in affect as he was immensely poorly. Years later he was well enough to return to work & we were living a fruitful life, both in good employments and bringing home a stable income. My fiance was booked for a exploritory operation (in the same hospital where he contracted MRSA previous years ago) to investigate inside of his stump (to check for infections) since then he has been incredibly poorly. In horrendous pain with the nerve damage and other issues he is enduring. He has had to accept alot of help, I have had to give up my full time employment to care for him at home, he is in a wheelchair whenever out of the house and when indoors mostly sofa or bed ridden however with my assistance he can manage to get around albeit slowly with a walking frame (without wearing his prosthesis as in too much pain to weightbare) so it really has been a life changing situation for us both. We are very very much in love, have been engaged for 18 months now & would love nothing more than to marry & enjoy married life together. We are desperate for children but due to some medical complications we are unable to concieve naturally so are therefore undergoing consult for IUI / IVF. We're desperately trying to lose the required weight to start the above courses of treatment but its incredbly hard, more so for my fiance as he isnt able bodied enough to just exercise like I can. Our love life is non-existent & Im now, 2 years down the line, starting to find it immensely hard how to deal with how much our relationship has changed. Its like living with my best friend. We have a cuddle & kiss occassionly but we have no other connection / intimacy whatsoever. I have tried to discuss the matter with my fiance but his response is I just am not interested in intimacy at all whatsoever. He's apologetic & has tried to understand how everything makes me feel & how hard it is to feel like his fiancee rather than his carer & to feel as though we are still in a relationship but it doesnt seem to change anything, I end up getting rather emotional & wishing i'd never brought the conversation up. Its incredibly hard. Is there anyone else out there in similar shoes & who can sympathise with what we're going through & maybe have some tips for me on how to deal with my relationship? x
Hi Freckles, welcome to the forum. Your situation is very tough for all concerned. Hope you are getting plenty of support.
Hi Freckles and welcome to the forum Image

I've split your post so that you have a thread of your own - other members will be along shortly to give you a warm Carers UK welcome Image
Hi Both,
Thanks for the welcome. I hope Ive written correctly here & not said anything I shouldn't. I was really hoping to find carers in similar shoes to share lifestyles with etc in the hope it would just be nice to have someone to talk to. Image I dont know what "splitting" means Susieq but thank you nonetheless hopefully my post is as I say correctly posted for all to see.
Kind Regards
Freckles84 xx
Dear freckles

I just wanted to say hello and welcome Image You are both going through such a tough time. I'm sorry, but I can't offer any practical advice, all I can offer is a little bit of support to you.
I hope someone else will be along soon to help you out. With my very best wishes and take care RRB x
Hi freckles and welcome to the forum
You havent said anything that you shouldnt Image You can let it out on this forum.
When susie said she was splitting the thread - a thread is what you see in the index, a new topic and all its replies - I assume you posted on another thread, so she moved your post and replies to make a new thread all of its own. That way more people will see it Image

I would guess your finance is feeling depressed and pain doesnt make you feel very sexy Image
I am assuming that he has been refered to a pain clinic - if not, speak to your GP - as pain makes everything so much harder to bear.
Hi Freckles - a very warm welcome from me too! Good to have you on board - the forum is a great place "to be" and you will certainly find lots of support here. Perhaps when you have a moment you can look around the forum and join in when/where you want. Roll Call in the Members Corner is a good place where some meet up for a daily "natter".

Bell x
Hi Freckles and welcome to the forum.

Love comes in all shapes and forms and I hope you will find the answers to your questions.

My husband had radical cancer surgery in 2006 having been told he had six weeks to live, and we thank God (and his surgeon) every day for his gift of life.

Waiting for a date for hip replacement operation which he has needed for 8 years now, but the cancer(s) always took presidence .... one way and another sex no longer mattered, but we still love each other and are very much a couple.xx
Hello, Freckles, I'm new to the forum too, and reading your situation touched me. I agree with the person who said that love comes in all shapes and forms, I am 46 and carer to my husband who is 77, sex is no longer on the menu, but keep the spark alive with lots of flirting and kind and loving gestures. Hope it all works out for you.
A Belated welcome Image