New member.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
To be honest, H, I'm not sure I understand the situation you're describing. (????)

You're saying on the one hand:

"then i expect the family that ignores her needs and mine to come swarming to a house without her claiming care and concern..... sorry, but where tf where you all when she needed you"

but earlier you've said:

"Our childhood was one of major abuse, beatings instigated by her, often carried out by both of my parents but she always started it... belts, brooms, stitches etc, bruises and mental torture"

There's a profound contradiction here - (cognitive dissonance? ie, 'believing two opposing and contradictory thoughts')

If the second statement is true- that she abused you physically and mentally, then the first statement I quoted makes no sense at all.

As in Why on EARTH should ANY of her children lift a finger for her! And, quite frankly, illegal it might be to steal from her, but does your mother deserve ANY consideration from ANY of you?????

As I said earlier, the children of abusive parents can find it very hard to 'reject' the abusive parent, and, in your case, you seem to be defending her. This is, I fear, part of the damage her abuse has done to you?????

H, think about it - this woman who happened to give birth to you beat you with belts, and brooms, (that's what you've said) let alone the 'mental torture'. In what way whatsoever should any of you actually give a toss whether she needs you now?

Justice can take a LONG time coming. It sounds like it is finally coming for your mother.

Personally, I think you owe it to the beaten child you once were, to take stock, now, of what your mother deserves. And it is NOT consideration by her children!

I do truly urge you to seek counselling from someone skilled in dealing with the after-effects of an abusive parent, because I fear that the very fact you are wasting a second of your life on this woman, is indication that she still has 'power' over you - the same power she once had to inflict bruises on a child.

I hope my words are not too extreme, but as a complete 'outsider', knowing only what you are telling us here, there really is a contradiction between the way you've described her, and yet seem to think that any of her children should be helping you look after her - or even, worst of all, that you should be looking after her yourself.

I don't doubt that this will be hard to take on board, which is why I think an expert and professional counsellor is what you need now.
H_1801 wrote:
Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:20 pm
Funny you should say this, ive found after my sis visits empty boxes, left when no doubt she had been too high to realise, on investigation i find my mums bags of precious rings, chains and stuff open in a room i dont go in, now mum cant gwt upstairs amd i neber know these items where in this room......
Sigh, i feel sick inside and so weary... what the hell have i got if i cannot trust my sister?
If you've all been abused, it will have traumatised all of you. However, you're all different personalities, and it will affect each of you in different ways. Your sister will have developed different defence mechanisms from yours. It may be that your siblings have gone mainly into avoidance modes of behaviour, in which they shut out or cut off their mother. That could be why they don't appear to take any interest.

However, your sister has taken enough interest to turn up on at least the one occasion. When you say she was high, I presume you mean illegal drugs? Is she an addict? If so, I wouldn't be surprised if she was searching your mother's house for something she could sell, to buy drugs. I once shared my life with an addict (very briefly, thankfully!) and he would sell anything I owned he could get his hands on. It's just another sickness. If your sister may be in this condition, it might be best to lock away any valuables.

If she is an addict, it won't mean she's stopped being the person you know. It won't mean she can't sympathise with you. It will just mean that the next fix tales precedence over everything, including your feelings.