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New member -Carers UK Forum

New member

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I have been looking after my mum since the end of August...she had a stroke..bleed in brain in June. I am so thrilled she recovered and was able to come home but now I am feeling bad for missing my old life. Its such routine and although she is aware of this and is very grateful I hate feeling resentment.
I am hoping this forum might be useful.
Thanks !!! Image
Hello and welcome. Thanks for the postings and telling us a bit about yourself Image

Well I think you have come to exactly the right place. So many people here with heaps of real life experience of caring and especially the emotional side of things. Its not just taking on the caring stuff, its leaving much of your old self behind than can get to us. Take a look at some of the other 'newbie' postings. So, YES, this Forum will indeed be useful to you, as your mum's Carer, in many ways. So welcome Image

I dont know too much about things in Northern Ireland. Do you have Social Services or similar who can carry out an assessment and help your mum to access some respite services ? Often you can access certain things directly and pay privately, but it is often better to go via Social Services especially if your mum is of 'limited means'. Social Services in England will charge for stuff but only depending upon an individual's circumstances. Oh and dont forget today you can access the Carers UK telephone Advice Line. Excellent information and advice there. If busy, keep trying !

Not much more I can say. Am pleased your mum has made a good recovery. Great to hear how supportive you are, but I hear loud and clear how much you miss the freedom and stuff from before. All this tells me that you have arrived at the right place, as you shall see for yourself.

I wish you well and every success Image

Hi ,
Warm welcome to the forum, posted earlier, but a cup of tea went all over my
lap. so am back now. Image They are a great crowd of people here, it might help
with the isolation, a stroke is very hard to watch happen to your loved one, my mum
had a stoke at the end, but it killed her and she did not survive it.
As for respite, not sure about that one, my mum never wanted anybody but me as
many others on this site will relate to, they usually only want the one person for
everything. anyway stick around , and welcome again.
Take care
Hello and welcome Image

Welcome to the site.

Lots of friendly people about,

Minnie, how did you manage that?, hope you didnt burn yourself x
Hi goastar,
Welcome aboard. I hope this forum is useful to you too. It has been / is for me. It won't make the feelings go away, but it might help to know that you're not alone in how you feel.
Hi Robert,
Yes we do have social services. I have a care package..someone comes in the morning to get her up, washed and dressed and then again at night to put her to bed. I dont really need the night visit but it is handy in case I do go out. The girls are great and Mum is very fond of them so that side of things is great.
I found out today there is a carers support group in my area so I am going to enquire about that and also get a carers assessement. I have been coping and only just realised how much of a strain it is and theres no point in not asking for help. Someone told me at the start not to reach "Burn out " and I did not pay any attention but now I see where they were coming from.
I do go to Yoga classes once a week now and sometimes shopping or hairdresser for an hour or so but there is always the constant niggle at the back of ones mind in case anything happens while I am not there !!
Hi goastar Image

Sounds like you are pretty well on the ball with things then ! Yes, burn out or whatever is a risk for us all. A bit like the edge of a cliff on a foggy day, its hard to know when you are at burn out until its too late. But if we know ourselves well we should have an idea when the cliff edge is approaching. Knowing what to do about it though is the tricky bit as when we are at that stage its hard to think well.

Yoga is good. Shopping and hairdressing does not quite do it for me Image But keeping the balance when the person you care for becomes increasingly unwell and frail is the difficult bit. Thats when the see-saw becomes lopsided and the Carer is up in the air, feet dangling, wondering how to get things back to where they used to be.

I learned from SusieQ today that carers UK have a Northern Ireland section on this site. So thats something I have learned. Not that I live in Northern Ireland. Just good to know that.

Yes, good to have you here. Take care Image