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First post - Carers UK Forum

First post

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Hi there

This is my first post and comes as my partner has entered another dysphoric episode. After 7 years of living with his on/off episodes I feel it increasingly hard to live like this, especially as there is seemingly nothing I can do other than live with it.

Every time it's exactly the same. Excessive drinking, severe personality change, damage to our relationship due to him not giving 2 hoots about what this does to me/us. It's just awful to live with him like this.

Don't know what I'm asking for, maybe just a listening ear from a fellow career.

J
Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum, I've not really got advice to offer you, but ears are always open.
Hello Image Image Image

Pleased you made your first post and told us what is going on and how you are feeling. Sorry to hear what you are having to deal with. Sounds quite an impossible situation for you.

You know you can share anything with us here. Nobody will judge you or anything like that. Some folk will offer advice, which is always worth listening to. And plenty of people will be reading what you say with interest, with concern, and understanding. Not all will reply, but all will be concerned for you, I am certain.

Welcome, and thanks again for the first posting. Plenty of support here for you, from folk who really understand. Meanwhile, please take care.

Robert
Hi and welcome to the Forum.Hope you find it useful and fun.Think yuo need to make a decision.....do you carry on supporting your partner,or do you decide you are not doing either of you any good and move on.You have a life too,as do we all,and we all have to make hard decisions.There is no right or wrong answer,there is nothing set in stone that you must do.Maybe the time has come for you to sit down and weigh up what is the best thing to do....for you,for your partner,and for you both.Best wishes.
Thanks for the speedy replies. It's good to know there are others out there who are listening. Although I work, have friends and both of us have families, I often feel so alone and without any support.
Last year, after over 30 years as a carer, I had some counselling from the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, as I was going through a very stressful patch. Now PRTC may not operate in your area, but I think counselling would be very useful for you at the moment, you will need to ask your GP to start with. It helped to have someone, who didn't know any of the people I was talking about, concentrating on my needs for a change, and what it was fair to expect for myself. I just wish I'd had it years previously! You have a really difficult decision to make, whether to stay, or whether to go. Either way, whatever you decide is going to have major implication for the rest of your life. If it is safe to do so, write down the "for and against" things about either option. Think about where you would like to be in 10 years time, eg with children, happy, your own home, just whatever your own dreams are. Then ask yourself what you need to do to enable that to happen. Stay, or go? Only you can reach the final decision, but if you need any moral support, you have friends here.
Hi and welcome Image
Audrey, I have no contact with the medics. I've had some contact with his GP but patient confidentiality prevents me getting real answers and getting involved. It infuriates me as I'm the one who lives with his hell every day. Any advice on how to deal with that would help.
Some years ago, my dad had prostate cancer. Mum was very physically disabled, and reliant on dad. He seemed to be OK for a few years, then I realised his health was going downhill fast (the week after mum in law died!) The GP wouldn't tell me anything, so in the end I rang BACUP, an organisation supporting people with cancer. They asked about his symptoms, and said he'd probably be dead in six months. I then went back to the GP, told him what BACUP had said, and stressed that I needed to know as much as possible as I would be the one caring for mum after he'd died. We got round the patient confidentiality issue very easily by discussing in general terms how people with this illness generally progressed. We also discussed how the last few weeks would probably be. It was all very helpful and very accurate. I didn't tell mum or dad about my discussion with the doctor, but I was very well prepared when the time came. The only other suggestion I can make, is that you ask your partner's permission for the GP to discuss his condition with you. I he refuses, think about what this means for you and your relationship. Does he really care about you enough to stay? Hope that helps.
Welcome Image