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new member - Carers UK Forum

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Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi my name is Julie I am 42 and am the carer for my mum who lives with us for 5 years and has memory problems, she has been to the memory clinic and we have been told that she doesn't make a memory, I think its more that that she can no longer cook for herself she can't remember days month and who her grandchild are not sure how many dogs we have, we have found her handbag in the rabbits hutch and thinks she lives at an address she lived at when she was 10..... that 's just the start.
I am finding it so hard and not sure what way to turn.... I lives with my husband and 17 year old daughter, We are finding mum very difficult to deal with, she has to go everywhere with me even if I'm in the toilet she waits outside If she can't come with me she cries . I have 2 sisters an a brother all with in 5 miles of us but they don't help that often.
As I sit here all I want to do is cry I cant take any more no help the memory clinic discharging her.........
Hi Julie,
Hang in there, and welcome to the forum. You have a lot to deal with. I hope
this site helps you. they are a good crowd here.
Take care
Minnie Image
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like u r having a hard time. I hope u can find some comfort here. You are not alone xxx
Hi Julie

It certainly sounds like you have alot to deal with at the moment.
I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, just a warm welcome and a (((hug)))
Take care
Hi Julie and welcome Image

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate. I'm not too sure what is happening with your Mum but maybe you need some further discussion with her GP as things are clearly not right and you need to know what the problem is and how best you can help your Mum. I understand exactly about siblings who could do more to help you right now. This is often the way for a lot of carers, but not always.

Maybe you might usefully speak to the Carers UK phoneline, Julie. So many folk find that a really big help and it does sound like you need some suggestions and advice, and support. And you could well do with some time off now and then to give yourself a break - Making contact with Social Services ( part of your local council ) could be helpful in this respect.

Best wishes,

Hi Julie - welcome to the forum.

Sounds like you're at a point where you really need to make some changes and get some extra support. As Robert says, GP and Social Services are good places to start - you can have your mother's needs assessed and your own as her carer. Ask your GP to refer you for a carer's assessment (or you can refer yourself) - this is specifically about you and what you need to be able to continue caring for your mother, such as respite etc. There is help out there so don't despair.

Hope you'll find the forum helpful. Lots of lovely people on here who are always willing to offer support, advice and a laugh when needed. We all understand what you're going through - I care for my 80 year old mother who has dementia and like many others here, have a sibling who doesn't pull her weight. All too common sadly.

Take care and keep us updated.
Hi Julie,and welcome.The above advice says it all really.I care for my parents,Dad has vascular dementia and mum has been physically disabled for years.Use Carers UK advice,it`s good stuff.I use the Forum a lot just to unwind,chat,play games.Hope you find it all helpful and fun,and that you can start to sort things out a bit.Best Wishes. Image Image Image
hi Julie and welcome from me too Image
Hi Julie, welcome from me to. You can phone social services elderly services, they will appoint a Care Manager to you. Once this happens you can explain whats going on and they will work with you. They may suggest that your mum could have regular outings/visits to a respite centre that has day care for a few days a week, this would at least give you a little break during the day your mum would just spend the day and come home in the evening. Worth a try even if it is for the day its a start.

I really wish you the best of luck. xx
Hi Julie and welcome from me too.

Good advice from previous posters, so hope some help comes of it for you.

Take care