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New, looking after mum - Carers UK Forum

New, looking after mum

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi all,
I've been caring for my mum for 6 years now, since my dad left when I was 18. She has rheumatoid arthritis and a heart condition and was recently told she has osteo arthritis in her knee which has put her on a bit of a downer. She has a carer come in in the mornings to get her up and dressed, I thankfully managed to get this sorted otherwise she wouldn't bother getting up at all. I have a younger brother and sister, my brother helps out as much as he can but my sister does nothing except make things more difficult.

I've been fired from a job and almost fired from another but thankfully found one with extra supportive managers who let me work from home when I need to, they find it a little weird that work is my stress free place but they're great and strive to keep me out of stressful situations.

I struggle at home as I'm stuck in all the time, haven't had a social life since my dad left so I kind of feel like he's taken my life away. When he first left I had panic attacks but I now have them under control just dealing with stress now, a lot of tension headaches and a bit irritable. The isolation from not being able to get out of the house really sucks.

My mum needs an operation on her foot before she can start on a new arthritis drug, she was due to have it before Christmas last year but they cancelled due to leaving it too late to tell her to come off one of her tablets. Any advice on how I can get them to move along with getting the operation rebooked? The hospital she needs to have it at doesn't return any calls and the GP 'forgot' to send a letter to chase them.

Sorry for the essay Image
Ring the hospital Chief Executive's office and say that you want to make a "Formal Complaint" about "unreasonable delay" - after all the problem was caused entirely by their failure to give the appropriate advice. Then insist on getting a Carers Assesment from Adult Services, who should be putting in proper care for your mum so that you can work in peace and have some sort of life of your own. These are very special years for you. Take care.
Hi Holly and welcome
Thanks bowlingbun I will try that, it's been a little frustrating as we can't move on without this operation.

Thanks Booksey Image
Hi Holly,
Just wanted to say hello and welcome .
Take care
Minnie Image
Hello Holly Image Image Image

First I want to say how pleased I am that you joined us all here. This is the place to be to share things and to get support and friendship - we all understand the practical side of the things, the struggles, the emotional stuff, the issues about trying to keep other bits of our life in working order, and of course, we do understand how family relationships come under the spotlight. And above all, we know just how damn tough it is to be a carer, and how isolated we can all feel.

Having said that, I'm very impressed with what you have done. Your mum must be proud of you. So proud, Holly. Yes, the work side is difficult but I am really pleased to hear that you have found a supportive manager now, and I do hope that continues to work well for you.

Hope you find support and friendship here. Always a listening ear for you here.

I wish you well,

Robert Image
Hi Holly
Welcome Image
Hi Holly and welcome Image
Thanks for the welcomes Image
Pure frustration this week with trying to get my mum to call her GP to order a higher dosage of medication and ask if a letter has been written to the hospital where she was going to get the operation. She's capable of making phone calls but seems to insist I do it even though I'm at work all day, if my brother or sister are in she still waits for me to come in Image . She finally called them today but forgot to ask about the letter..so I guess it's up to me to do that part.
Said no to 2 nights out with co workers too, if I went I knew I would get phone calls to see when I was coming home and a guilty feeling when I got home.
One co worker who I know doesn't fully understand my situation decided to give me a whole speech on how I'll regret not doing the things I want to do..as if I didn't know it all ready Image really didn't need a lecture. Think I'll stop discussing mum things with her now and stick to the ones that do understand.
Overall cack week but hopefully next week will be better when she has the high dose of her medication Image