New kid on the block
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:47 am
Hi, i'm new to the forum today and just wanted to take some time to blurt it ALL out.
Strangely enough I am not without friends, family and loved ones - but never in my life have I felt as alone as I do now.
I am myself a wife and mother of two little girls, 4 and 2 - needless to say I have my work cut out. I also have a history of depression, although I feel more stressed and irritated than depressed at the moment.
I help care for my 73 year old mother who is suffering some form of mental breakdown, severe depression and anxiety. Some four years ago, our dad passed away and things have never really been the same - she had a spell of feeling ok, but as time moves on, day to day life has become more and more difficult to manage. When she is at home by herself, she doesn't want to get up, eats very little, stops talking to anyone and generally hides herself away. She worries about everything, but to anyone else, she has absolutely nothing to worry about and everything to live for - friends, family including grandchildren, her physical health, money, house .....
I have 2 brothers, each with their own different view of what mum is going through and what is best for her. She lives alone, but during the past 7 months since her illness became so extreme, she has spent periods of time (up to 6 weeks) at either mine or my eldest brother's house.
When she is staying with one of us, she does seem to pick up, but very slightly. If she sees me doing a job around the house, she sometimes offers to do it, but then she can't do it for herself in her own house.
She cannot make ANY decisions at all, which means alot of energy is taken up deciding things for her, which i've found very draining. More importantly, I feel that by making decisions for her, I'm taking away her own independence. My mother has always been an active, busy women, who worked all her life and looked after 3 of her own children and help raise her grandchildren.
The woman I knew as my mother has gone away, short or long term, and I'm left with a someone I hardly know. There is no conversation, no dialogue, some days not even a smile.
Recently, I fought hard to get her off 2mg of diazepam which she was taking in the morning and evening. She also takes 7.5mg zopiclone and 40mg of citalopram. Again, I would like her to come off the zopiclone because I believe the long lasting effects of the sleeping tablet leave her feeling drowsy in the morning and less able to motivate herself out of bed when she is by herself.
All she can say is:
'I'm tired, leave me alone'
'I don't feel like doing anything'
'I worry all the time'
'I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do'
'What shall I do'
'What should I say'
Why am I here? Because I feel guilty, angry, sad, frustrated. When mum is with me here, I can't handle the stress of her constant negativity, but when she's at home, I can't stand it because I know she isn't get the help she needs. I can't win. I have a line of people who need me, husband, children, mother - all wanting something from me and I feel I have very little left to give.
My mum is very special to me, I just don't know how to care for her in a way that will make her better. I don't feel like i've done enough and I can't bare to see her suffering.
She goes to a outpatient clinic at the hospital and takes part in group therapy. The nurses there tell mum that she's not pushing herself enough and that she needs to try harder. This just makes my mum feel worse and every week, she dreads going to the group. What's the point in that. I've asked if my mum could be suffering from early signs of dementia and my opinion was completely dismissed by the nurse in charge.
I am completely at a loss - no-one has any answers and we're left to just plod on.
So here I am, plodding on, still hoping, praying that my mum's mental health will improve.
Strangely enough I am not without friends, family and loved ones - but never in my life have I felt as alone as I do now.
I am myself a wife and mother of two little girls, 4 and 2 - needless to say I have my work cut out. I also have a history of depression, although I feel more stressed and irritated than depressed at the moment.
I help care for my 73 year old mother who is suffering some form of mental breakdown, severe depression and anxiety. Some four years ago, our dad passed away and things have never really been the same - she had a spell of feeling ok, but as time moves on, day to day life has become more and more difficult to manage. When she is at home by herself, she doesn't want to get up, eats very little, stops talking to anyone and generally hides herself away. She worries about everything, but to anyone else, she has absolutely nothing to worry about and everything to live for - friends, family including grandchildren, her physical health, money, house .....
I have 2 brothers, each with their own different view of what mum is going through and what is best for her. She lives alone, but during the past 7 months since her illness became so extreme, she has spent periods of time (up to 6 weeks) at either mine or my eldest brother's house.
When she is staying with one of us, she does seem to pick up, but very slightly. If she sees me doing a job around the house, she sometimes offers to do it, but then she can't do it for herself in her own house.
She cannot make ANY decisions at all, which means alot of energy is taken up deciding things for her, which i've found very draining. More importantly, I feel that by making decisions for her, I'm taking away her own independence. My mother has always been an active, busy women, who worked all her life and looked after 3 of her own children and help raise her grandchildren.
The woman I knew as my mother has gone away, short or long term, and I'm left with a someone I hardly know. There is no conversation, no dialogue, some days not even a smile.
Recently, I fought hard to get her off 2mg of diazepam which she was taking in the morning and evening. She also takes 7.5mg zopiclone and 40mg of citalopram. Again, I would like her to come off the zopiclone because I believe the long lasting effects of the sleeping tablet leave her feeling drowsy in the morning and less able to motivate herself out of bed when she is by herself.
All she can say is:
'I'm tired, leave me alone'
'I don't feel like doing anything'
'I worry all the time'
'I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do'
'What shall I do'
'What should I say'
Why am I here? Because I feel guilty, angry, sad, frustrated. When mum is with me here, I can't handle the stress of her constant negativity, but when she's at home, I can't stand it because I know she isn't get the help she needs. I can't win. I have a line of people who need me, husband, children, mother - all wanting something from me and I feel I have very little left to give.
My mum is very special to me, I just don't know how to care for her in a way that will make her better. I don't feel like i've done enough and I can't bare to see her suffering.
She goes to a outpatient clinic at the hospital and takes part in group therapy. The nurses there tell mum that she's not pushing herself enough and that she needs to try harder. This just makes my mum feel worse and every week, she dreads going to the group. What's the point in that. I've asked if my mum could be suffering from early signs of dementia and my opinion was completely dismissed by the nurse in charge.
I am completely at a loss - no-one has any answers and we're left to just plod on.
So here I am, plodding on, still hoping, praying that my mum's mental health will improve.
