-
-
jenny lucas Online
- Member

-
- Posts: 9646
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:39 pm
Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:24 am
David hi and welcome - I think it's because most of us here on the forum are 'middle aged women' (that's probably about right?) that there is feeling of 'alarm' so to speak in your situation.
I doubt any MAW would want their own 19 year old son/daughter to be facing what you are facing now - it just isn't something a parent would wish on their teenage offspring! To take on a partner with substantial MH issues AND to be about to become a parent themselves! On paper, this is something any parent would shout 'NOOOOOO!' to!
So do take that on board with the answers and replies you are getting.
HOWEVER, as you say, the situation is as it is, and it is NOT entirely 'negative' at all, BUT it is, most definitely, challenging on two, if not three counts - ie, your partner's mental health, the forthcoming baby and, the third of course is financial.
Whilst, in principle, again, I doubt any parent would WISH 'young parenthood' on their adolescent children themselves, nevertheless, it happens very very frequently and is NOT always inevitably a 'bad thing' - after all, by the time you are 40 you'll be 'empty nesters' and can have a 'delayed carefree youth' then if you wish!
But that's for later, much much later.
Again, whilst it could well be said that the LAST thing someone with substantial MH issues needs is the extra complication of motherhood, nevertheless it COULD serve as the very 'making' of her - becoming a parent herself might be just what is needed to pull the fractured strands of her mind together, to knit well, and focus on caring for her baby as a 'new adult' herself.
Speaking personally, I would say that the key focus of attention right now, up until the birth of your baby, is going to be to do as much 'healing' of your partner as she can attain in the coming months. What is her current treatment plan, and can that be improved? eg, can she have access to more therapy than she is (I hope!) currently getting, to explore just WHY she is as she is and what has created it in the first place, and how best to understand what is bedevilling her, and why, and once there is understanding of the causes, THEN comes the healing and mending and 'exorcise' the troubles in her young mind. Mental illness does NOT have to be a 'life sentence' but if the underlying issues are never understood and resolved, that is when it cane become a 'cancer of the mind' and sit there like a cloud over her for many many years, perhaps, sadly, all her life.
So that is why I would emphasise getting as much therapy - whatever is the most effective for her, and it may take multiple types, eg, 'analysis' to understand WHY she is as distressed as she is (personally, I don't think any of us can get to grips with our problems until we know how they arose, from what pressures and problems in childhood etc etc, and with our own parents, etc etc), and then maybe something like CBT to give her guidance in how to 'escape' the ruts and grooves that her troubled mind sinks back into, ie, to provide her with a ladder to continually help her climb upwards and outwards and into a happier life that CAN await her - and all of you.
There is so much to be said in relation to your situation, but that must be enough for now!
So, my first 'message' is to maximise therapy for your partner before the baby is born, so she is in the 'best mental state possible' in the time left, prior to the HUGE impact that becoming a mother will have on her.
Kindest wishes, and you are very clearly a devoted young man, and I wish you all the very very best, and a bright and happier future for all of you, to make a happy family for yourselves.
Kind regards, Jenny