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New here. -Carers UK Forum

New here.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi all,
Just thought to join a community of people in possibly similar situations to me and generally just socialize. I have been caring for my wife, full time, for around 3 years. We have 2 primary school age girls and it is sometimes difficult to care for all 3 of them as well as maintain the housework and errands. We have settled into a nice little routine that works best for all of us and we are all happy.
Well like i said just thought to say hello.
Hi Benny-San
Welcome to our group, take a look around the forum and feel free to join in anwhere you want.
Hi Benni-San
Welcome.
Although it seems you have much sorted, do you get any time for yourself at all?
Would you be willing to share what your wife's illness is? Sometimes we can offer specific advice, or find people in similar positions?

KR
MrsA
Thanks for the welcoming replies,

I don't mind sharing a few details. My wife was driving 3 years ago, and suddenly came over with the same symptoms as a stroke. She was unharmed as she was around 100 yards from destination and kind of coasted into the car park (where i was meeting her) doctors ruled out stroke and after tests told her it was a neurological issue where her brain basically stopped sending signals to her legs and arms.
They told us the cause is severe hormone induced migraines. These sadly cannot (in her case) be prevented and although she has recovered 50% of the use of her arms and legs, still has days where her head wants to explode and she cannot function. Physio is going well for her and (although slow) she is improving. She has (understandably) had a lot of emotional issues tied to being a wife and mother with a disability.

She (on her good days) has the great fortune to work part time from home as a private seamstress for a large stately home, while i on the other hand cannot work at the moment because of the care needed to help her as well as our kids, but am doing a degree from home to get a better career when i can work. I get some time to myself now and then but don't have many hobbies. My main issue with time away from home is that my wife cannot get upstairs to aid the kids (in bed) in case of emergency.

That's kind of us in a nutshell
feels weird to see it all written out like that and i hope this doesn't come across as a rant.
Ben
Not a rant, just info :)
I have migraines but nowhere near as severe . I learnt my triggers and usually manage to avoid or avert.

Am sure the forum experts on respite and benefits will be along in next few days with suggestions, but I must go to bed now as one of my triggers is overtiredness!!!

KR
MrsA
Welcome to the forum. Has your wife had a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment? They might be able to provide a stair lift, if not, there are various other possible sources of funding. Are the school aware of your wife's situation?
Hi,
We were lucky enough to have a stair lift fitted before Xmas but our house has 3 stories. (old house. Odd shaped) we sleep in the 1 room that the stair lift accesses and our room is also her work room. The kids sleep on the floor above us. The house we are in is the most affordable option as it's old our rent is low and we won't match it anywhere else nearby so we kinda stuck with here atm.
School are aware but the problem I think all round is that even though she is disabled. I'm not and they are my kids too. It would probably be different if she was single mother with disability.
Like I said we kind of settled into our routine because we have no choice.
Our house is a cottage on a farm and even though she was fortunate to enough to be given (by family) a motor scooter. It won't make it over the cattle grids and therefore unless I drive her or she gets taxi she can't get off the farm. So she cannot get the kids to the school bus either.
Long term, it would be much easier for all the family if you lived in a bungalow closer to amenities. At the moment, the whole family depends on you, so even if you got flu and were in bed for a few days, it would cause serious problems.

Now you have given up work to care for her, you might be entitled to Housing Benefit if you moved to a more suitable property. As a keen needlewoman myself, I know that your wife doing sewing in your bedroom is far from ideal, to put it mildly!
Thanks for all the replies
We claim housing benefit at then moment but moving to a bungalow would cost us... After the housing benefit pays out our entitlement.. Around 300-400 a month more. As I said we live in a low rent place at just 450 a month. The housing benefit covers the whole rent for us and it's a 3 bed cottage in the countryside. We kind of cant afford to go anywhere else at the moment.
Our situation started 3 years ago so we have over those years adapted and received help where possible.
Sadly the bungalows near us almost double our rent. And because of my wife's work we can't move far.
We are happy here and get by OK atm.
Thanks