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New gal - Carers UK Forum

New gal

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello, forgive me for 'lurking' which I have been doing for about a week, but I have finally registered today. I have been caring for my mum for nearly 12 years, who had a stroke, which left her paralysed down her right side with very little communication, as well as working full-time and occasionally doing things for my sisters (2) who are both registered disabled, and I have coped. However it has been getting harder to do so with a smile on my face, everytime mum has a fit (she was left with diabetes and epilepsy as a result of the stroke) I struggle and so I started looking for 'help, support & guidance'. I have been overwhelmed by the support on these pages and thought I had to get me some! I have some great friends but I find it hard to ask for help. I am quite a private person but after 11 years and 10 months of caring I have decided that I am going to have to open up and ask for help, if I am going to get through this.
My saving grace over the years has been my job, I have been in the same employment for 20 years (job description has changed over the years) and have great backing from my colleagues as well as management, so I am very lucky. I said right at the start of this caring lark! that I wasnt willing to give up my job as it was the only thing that kept me sane and I hope to be able to stick to that decision however sometimes in my lowest moments I panic and think that someome will make me give it up to care full-time.
So I have re-read this post and I think that is enough doom and gloom - as a family we have kept an incredible sense of humour going and even tonight having got home after she had had a fit this morning I still had her in hysterics asking her for some words of wisdom on how to cope, now when you consider all she can say is "yes", "no" & "dont know" it was priceless when she sat there pretending to wrack her brains!

thanks for reading, I do apologise that it is a blah moment but being truthful is the best way, so this is me and mine

best wishes, Sal x
Hi Sal

Welcome to the forum - I'm so glad you've joined us at last!

I can identify with your situation, I've cared for my Mum for 20 years now, as well as being almost blind now (she's 86) she's declining mentally, some days she's fine and I can have a good conversation with her, other days I just get one word answers, she sleeps a lot during the day but sadly she's awake in the night so I just grab 40 winks where I can.

I gave up work 5 years ago to look after Mum full time and it was a difficult decision but like you I have no family support, for us it's worked well without any outside help but I can fully understand that you feel you now need some extra help with your Mum.

I'm sure other members will give you all the advice you need on where and how to get help, sadly it's not always easy - you just have to be persistant and never give in.

Look forward to chatting with you again soon.

Take care

Paula xx
Hi Paula

do I seem over eager replying to your reply so quickly!!! I dont want to get a bad report on my first day, had enough of those at school! thank you for your kind words, thats why I joined; just to know that there are people out there who know what you are going through and what you are feeling is so good for morale. I do have some support from my sisters, I dont want you to think that there isnt anything there but at the end of the day its mum and myself at home, mum relies on me and tends to forget that she has 2 other daughters that are more than capable.
so once again, thanks for your quick response and welcoming me, most appreciated

Sal x
Hi Sal

Welcome to the forum. One phrase in your post concerned me - "someone will make me give it up to care full-time."

Please remember that NO-ONE can make you do this. It may be suggested to you, but please remember that caring - full-time or otherwise - is a choice. You cannot be made to do it. And although you will have to face and accept the guilt feelings this may well induce, your own mental health and happiness should be high on your agenda.

By retaining a life outside of caring, you may well be able to bring more quality to the time you do spend caring.

Hope you enjoy joining in with posting here and reading other posts too.

Best wishes, snoopy
Well Paula, looks like Sally one "lurker" who has been brave enough to join us.Does she really know what shes let herself in for.. Image Image.

Seriously Sally,I would like to welcome you here too.I see you have posted on Janes thread too so will understand we are all one big family here.We offer support to one another when needed and also receive it should we be in need.

The site itself has so much information including some for those like yourself who still work.


Please take on board Snoopys comments too.

Look forward to reading more from you.
Hello Sally and Paula Image
Hi Jane, thank you for taking the time to post on my message, most kind of you. This is certainly the best place to come for support isnt it? hope you had a better day today.

best wishes, Sally
I would also like to send you a warm welcome , we are a good bunch on here, you will find support and also you will have the regular laugh that we all need to get through our days, nice to see you.

Tonyxx Image
Hello Sal

Sorry for the late welcome! So glad that you decided to join, I do think that most people read before taking the plunge. I'm sure that you will feel right at home here, theres so many wonderful, caring and supportive members!

Take care
Maryann x
So, I have been a 'resident' for just over a week now, and all I can say is, why didnt I find this place sooner. i have posted a few times, probably said the wrong thing more than once but all being said this place has helped this last week go better than the previous week. When I joined I was at a very low ebb, but coming on here every day, not necessarily with the intention of posting, but just to read and catch up with you all has proven to be an immense help and so I just wanted to say thank you. Image

best wishes to you all

Sally xx Image