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New carers UK user - Carers UK Forum

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Hi I am a middle aged mum with a severely depressed daughter who is very fragile has no confidence and no self esteem she has camhs support but find this little help she is on medication and has counselling monthly I recently split with her father as they had a very troubling relationship and we now live separately with her six year old brother I also work full time as a carer for learning disabilities she does not attend school rarely goes out and has just been dumped by her boyfriend of a year I am living on a knife edge as she has attempted suicide twice and when I returned on Saturday she had drunk bleach. I feel very alone and do not wish to burden family or friends as I feel they would not understand
Hi Vicki

So glad you have found us - sharing the burden, even virtually, does help. I have a 16 year old son under the care of CAMHS, and know that they are about as much use as a chocolate teapot. I also know how constricting it feels to be on a heightened suicide watch - after months of it, I am chuffing exhausted.

Please feel free to chat on the forum or pm me - I know how isolating it can feel, and how much I needed to get stuff off my chest before I found this place xxx
Hello, Vicki,

I don't have any practical advice but wanted to say welcome and you can offload here as much or as often as you need to, it does help just to get it all off your chest sometimes I think. Hope things start to pick up for your daughter at some point, awful thing for anyone to deal with but when they're that young it's just heartbreaking.
Vicki, I echo Mumwhocares, as I don't have any direct experience of what you and your daughter are going through. However, my niece has 'chronic depression', (she's 30 now), though (hopefully, at least, never to my knowledge) has she been suicidal. But she had a lot of up and down stress over the last 15 years, and adolescence was not a fun time for her (dropped out of college, painfully shy, relationship with an older man that ended, etc etc).

However, she now has a new man, and seems more stable, and more focussed on things....and I do believe that one of the things that has helped her has been getting involved in animal rescue (she and the partner now have three rescue dogs!).

So what I was wondering was whether, if your daughter finds 'other people' (especially her own peer group) difficult and 'intimidating' I wonder whether she would take to helping 'lost animals in need'. Animals are so loving and trusting and 'honest', they don't care about feeling shy and inadequate etc, they just respond to someone caring for them.

It's only a thought, and one you may have had to discard for good reasons, but maybe it might help??

Wishing you all the best - how we just LONG to be able to make our children happy! SO hard when we do not have that power, and we have to witness them being so deeply miserable and 'down'.

Kind regards, Jenny
PS - I forgot to say, but helping others, including animals, is very empowering. It may give your daughter more confidence in her abilities, and make her realise she is 'valuable' to others (eg animals), and that may turn things around inside her head. The 'sensitive' young torment themselves so, so much with feeling 'useless' and 'ugly' and 'stupid' and 'inadequate' etc etc etc.....
Hi Vicki,

Your situation sounds very tough. It does not sound like the camhs is being much help - is there anything you can do to find out if they can do a better job? counselling once a month sounds completely inadequate. I know a girl, and when she was 17 year old she was self-harming very badly. She was able to get expert help that changed her life around, from the local authority mental health people.

My partner has mental health issues and has talked about wanting to die, or end her life. It's all talk I think but this is very upsetting for me, and I don't seem to be helping, only making matters worse.

So painful to love someone who is suffering so much.

Strength to you

Hi Vicki,
I hope carers gives you some virtual support, I joined a couple of days ago as I am struggling as a carer, I can't imagine how difficult it is for you juggling everything including trying to keep your daughter safe, can you demand more support from CAHMS due to suisude attempts I do know they love to claim the are stretched but surely the safety of your daughter would have make it critical, I hope it helps being on here x