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New carer tiptoes in - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

New carer tiptoes in

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Oh, failed to answer one of your questions, ...no, I closed our business after my brother in law suffered a severe stroke, and could not return to work. It left me to finish that last build without him which was hugely stressful, and hard work, so we took the decision to close and cancelled 2 years worth of booked work. He's still not well either, but not my responsibility! I took some months off then, both to formally wind up the business, and I needed a proper breather! :)
Just spotted another question I missed from earlier. We are currently trying to get her to sort POA out. She's a bit tight about spending out...I guess she's saving for her old age!! :D
Shame about your business, my late husband used to restore vintage lorries and I ran a national lorry club, not so much a business, more a way of life. They were very happy days.
It is NOT up to your sister to make decisions about YOUR life!!! What is she doing to help? Too many forum members have "helicopter" siblings who drop in now and then and are useless.
From now on, think about what mum NEEDS not what she wants, which can be very different. My mum was adamant she didn't want anyone in the house, she was very reclusive. I did more and more and more until I was diagnosed with a very serious life threatening illness. Then, and only then, faced with the prospect of carers in the house or a nursing home, did she agree to carers.
Mum really should be paying you something towards the care you give. My father in law was still saving when he died at 86, living in a draughty house because he wouldn't buy draught excluder as the landlord might benefit after he'd died!!! Is your mum out of touch with the cost of things?
Hi Alison
My sister won't hear of her not being cared for at home, and she herself doesn't want "strangers" in her house.
Reading this from my detached stance....unless sister is prepared to provide all the care Mum needs herself, she has no right to dictate what should or shouldn't happen.
Carers for mum could be introduced, or even 'interviewed' so they wouldn't be 'strangers' but 'helpers'

Sounds like you, Mum and sis need to sit down together and discuss who can do what, and you have to be clear as to your limits , both time, financial and hubbys needs. There's too many stories on here of carers stretched so thin they break. Luckily you've recognised the problem early enough.
Xx
MrsA
Alison, it's really great and heartwarning to know your sister 'won't hear of your mum not being cared for at home', and that is really good news for you, too.

So, over to your sister to provide ALL THE CARE FOR YOUR MUM from henceforth onwards!

Then you can focus on you and your partner.

(PS -I can't wait to hear your sister squeal like a pig when you tell her, ha ha!)
Lol! It would be met with indignation because she works for a living! In fairness she's not in great shape to do the work, she is more of a ...share lunch out or get the chips in, then sit and knit and watch TV with mum....which has a nice value for mum, but doesn't necessarily address the needs. But I take your point.