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Carers UK Forum • New carer!
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New carer!

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 5:09 pm
by Peter_2009
I am a new carer for my partner who has recently had a Stroke, after 5 months I am struggling! Our relationship is now strictly a carer patient situation, and I am struggling, my partner is 60, I am 53

Re: New carer!

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 7:34 pm
by sunnydisposition
Hello Peter & welcome

Can you tell us more about what you find the most difficult.

Has you partner had a needs assessment and you a carers assessment.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

Have you joined a local carers group. These groups you might find like minded people and advisers. Who can help in other ways.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... al-support

Re: New carer!

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 7:43 pm
by Pet66
Hello Peter
Welcome to the forum.
Have you been in touch with the stroke society, or they with you?
I'm sad for you and your partner in this situation. You are both grieving for life before the stroke, in all probability, and in shock.

Re: New carer!

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 8:53 pm
by sunnydisposition

Re: New carer!

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2020 12:30 pm
by Peter_2009
Thanks for your replies and advice, it's been 5 Months now although my partner is getting stronger, the hardest part for both of us is knowing she will never be the Woman she was pre stroke, and our relationship is no longer the same! It's gard and each day doesn't seem to get any easier.

Re: New carer!

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2020 12:48 pm
by bowlingbun
Try to put things into perspective.
You have both had a "life changing moment" but are both still here.

I won't go into my full life story, but I've had huge challenges.
I found my husband had died in his sleep, when he was 58 and I was 54.
My youngest son was brain damaged at birth, he's now 41.

You are both still grieving for your old lives, and an element of this will probably be with you forever.

However try not to focus on your old lives, looking back too much might destroy any hope of future happiness.
Think of what you can still do.
Try to pinpoint the barriers and then share them with us.
Holidays are still an option, but you may need different holidays, for example.
Have you been offered any counselling?

Re: New carer!

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 8:10 am
by Delily
Hi Peter,
I know exactly how you feel, my husband had a massive stroke last year, I’m now his full time carer, it’s horrible, next to no improvement, I find this forum very helpful keep strong

Re: New carer!

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 8:34 am
by bowlingbun
Delily, are you getting time off regularly?

Re: New carer!

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 7:46 pm
by Peter_2009
Delily wrote:
Mon Sep 07, 2020 8:10 am
Hi Peter,
I know exactly how you feel, my husband had a massive stroke last year, I’m now his full time carer, it’s horrible, next to no improvement, I find this forum very helpful keep strong
Yes I will keep checking the forum, I am finding it good, I feel guilty all the time and I don't know why, sometimes I just feel I can't do it!

Re: New carer!

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2020 7:49 pm
by Peter_2009
bowlingbun wrote:
Sun Sep 06, 2020 12:48 pm
Try to put things into perspective.
You have both had a "life changing moment" but are both still here.

I won't go into my full life story, but I've had huge challenges.
I found my husband had died in his sleep, when he was 58 and I was 54.
My youngest son was brain damaged at birth, he's now 41.

You are both still grieving for your old lives, and an element of this will probably be with you forever.

However try not to focus on your old lives, looking back too much might destroy any hope of future happiness.
Think of what you can still do.
Try to pinpoint the barriers and then share them with us.
Holidays are still an option, but you may need different holidays, for example.
Have you been offered any counselling?
The only counciling was a few sessions with a phsycologist but this was just for my partners emotions!