New blood

[Kerry_19071]

Hey guys,

I'm 36 and having been caring for my Mum for over 6 years now. I moved home to take care of my parents when my dad fell ill.
We lost him in 2015 and it's just been me and my mum since.
She is wheelchair bound from previous polio, has diabetes, hyperparathyroidism, had a brain bleed, tremors and a brain tumour.

I think I'm here because I feel like I'm losing my identity, my mind, my own health and i am just trying to get through every day.

I work 3 days with the vulnerable which is becoming hard because I'm just so tired. My days off I spend running around after my mum, taking her to hospital appts etc.

We do have some care in place, but social services assume as I live here, I can do the caring.

I've put my career on hold, my 30's have disappeared, I have a fiance I never see and have only stayed away over night a handful of times in the last few years. It costs £170 for me to leave my house and I just can't afford it.

Our relationship has changed, I miss my mum. I feel resentful but guilty for even talking about it.

I guess I'm looking for help and for people who feel the same.

[Lize]

Hi. Welcome to the Forum.
Thank you for sharing how you are supporting your mum and how it is impacting you.
I wonder if you there are groups in your county or local area who may be able to help offer ways to support you and your mum.
GPs or Local Authorities may have contact details for groups or grants which may be available for carers breaks.

[Melly1]

Hi Kerry,
welcome to the forum.

Not surprised you are tired, your Mum needs a lot of support and you are holding down a job too.

What do you want to happen? Do you want to carry on living with your Mum and caring for her, but with more support or are you thinking about the next step for her, to enable you to have more freedom. There are no right or wrong answers here, just asking so we tailor advise to what you want to happen next.

Melly1

[Sally_17031]

Welcome to the forum. Think about what Melly says about what you want to happen. Whatever your conclusion, there is no shame. Caring for her may now be more than a one person job.

At your age you really ned to be taking care of yourself as well. You deserve a life too. Realising that my needs were as important as my Mum and Dad's was a big turning point. This sounds harsh, but they had their lives, largely free of caring for elderly relatives! I deserved to have mine too, especially as I needed to work to provide a future for myself and my family.

A good starting point would be to have a new needs assessment for your Mum and say that you will be unable to provide as much care as you do, so they will need to step up.

it isn't easy to balance it all, so best of luck.