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help and advice please - Carers UK Forum

help and advice please

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Hi Hazel, this is the time to ask Social Services for a Needs Assessment. If she needs help, they can decide what she needs, and who is going to pay. It is entirely unreasonable for her to expect you to spend so much time running backwards and forwards after her. Sit down with your husband and agree a plan. You will visit mum every ..weeks on ...day. She can ring you up for a chat, or vice versa, on a set day, other than that, the answerphone goes on. Yes, old age, poor mobility etc. is no fun (I spent 5 years hobbling around with a walking stick, so I know how she feels) but you have a right to a life of your own. We are all responsible for our own happiness. I suspect mum has a lot more visitors than you do?! Then plan a holiday of your own, with your husband, so you get some quality time of your own!
Thanks bowling bun. That makes sense and I really appreciate your help
I agree with Bowling Bun. If your mum wants to see more of you, then she must move closer.

It sounds like she's getting pleasure from you 'failing her' (wrong colour pyjamas, etc!), and is playing the 'pity card' (oh, I'm so lonely etc!), to play on your guilt.

Time to call her bluff, agree what you will and won't do with your husband, and stick to it.