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new. - Carers UK Forum


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Hi. My 13 year old son has recently been diagnosed with adhd with something else underlying but no other fixed diagnosis.
I must admit I feel a bit like an imposter here. His isn't as bad as most people on here that I have read.
His late diagnosis is down to me thinking he was just a spoilt little brat and it was all my fault he misbehaved as I had given in to him. Even since his diagnosis I do sometimes still feel like this and his bad behaviour is just bad behaviour.
He started on tranquilyn a few months ago but is now refusing to take them since he was really poorly with glandular fever. I have no control over him and his "temper tantrums' I need to get a grip as I feel so useless once he starts and I am reduced to a crying wreck which doesn't do me or him any favours. Any advice would be gratefully received. I am currently on anti depressants due to my lack of coping skills and was directed here by an adviser at family lives.
Hi Puddytat and welcome,

Please don't feel like an imposter! Raising your son is harder due to his ADHD and whatever else is underlying and you are his mother and carer.

I didn't think of myself as a carer for many years, I saw myself as S's Mum. When I realised I was his carer too, everything made sense, especially why my role was so much harder than that of other mums I knew. On here I realised that although many of our caring situations are different, our problems are often similiar, which somehow helps.

I juggle teaching and caring and I have a little boy in my class who has autism and ADHD, his ADHD is very extreme. He started on a Ritalin in the summer. He tolerates it well unless he is feeling poorly. I read an article that hypothesised on why that might be: http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.co. ... -like.html

I am sure the school holidays, the excitement of Christmas, the weather and not taking his meds is making life difficult at the moment. I would suggest exercising him (!) swimming, bike riding, Wacky Warehouse (if he isn't too tall,) the gym etc and pick your battles carefully as a starting point. Only one more week to go!

Hi I care for my son who has adhd and autism he is now 17yrs old. I never thought of myself as a carer until the last 2years. You just don't i think . But having a 18 year old too ,who goes out etc does his own thing and is independent brought it all home to me I guess. I was also in a longterm relationship (13yrs) with someone diagnosed with adhd.I have to add, the relationship didn't end due to his adhd.

Having a diagnosis at such a late stage can't be easy. Especially with his hormones kicking in. K started on ritalin but it didn't agree with him at all so I took him off meds until he was 11yrs old then he started on concerta . Hormones and his height made it more difficult for me and the teachers. The meds didn't help him with his outbursts as such but it did help him concentrate and focus which in return helped me diffuse a situation pretty quickly and sometimes even before it started. As his hormones are starting to settle and with help of his meds and and a reminder that he will have no computer time if he doesn't listen he is the most easy going person( most days ;) ) you could meet. So don't despair.
You could try , with the psycologists and your son to workout a behaviour plan and coping strategies together so he is a little more involved in his treatment and learns to take at least a little responsibility for his behaviour.
It's basically to help you manage his behaviour by looking at what is most important in his life eg. xbox, pc etc and using this as sanctions/rewards for good/bad behaviour. It's not easy being consistant and following through. But it does work. I was told it takes 3-4 weeks to work. And during this time it will get worse before it gets better. And boy did it get worse but it was all worth it in the end.
Does your son feel all remorseful after his episode? Maybe you could sit him down then and discuss his meds with him. He may be more willing to listen once he has relised what he has done. But you probably have done that already. ;)
Jean xx