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Hello! - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone,

My name is deane , I'm 34, I care for my partner and also our 3 young children.

And it is so hard. Been doing it for just over 3 years, and I am completely knackered, and have become numb to it all. Everything seems to be just auto pilot. It feels like I have lost my soul.

So many issues, not just the caring, the demands of it all, caring, children, housework, fighting the councils, housing associations. Feeling guilty. My goodness.

I'm hoping I can have a good vent on here and let off some steam.lol. And make some new friends.

Nice to be here!
Young children can be exhausting (and usually are!), and three at once triply so - and that's without any 'extras' like caring for a partner as well.

Are your children at school yet? If not, then things will, I promise you, ease up a bit when you have them 'out of the house' for a good portion of the day (using up their energies elsewhere!)

The expression 'clapped-out carer syndrome' is a very, very familiar one on this site, and describes that kind of zombie like automaton mentality when we are overwhelmed by 'everything' and can't seem to see any way to ameliorate or mitigate the situation which just crushes us right down in to the ground.

Sometimes, even though the 'basic situation' (a partner in need of care and three children to look after, in your case) might not be 'curable' but hopefully can be perhaps nibbled away at so that little by little, things ease up (as I say, school will definitely help on that front with the children). Sometimes, just by 'lifting' one part of the crushing burden, the rest of it become manageable, or by having some kind of break from it can let you straighten your shoulders again to resume the load.

One thing is for sure - there are similar people here, and maybe a problem shared is not quite a problem halved (!) but it can be reassuring to realise that there are people here who know where you are coming from, and understand why you are so close to breaking point.

All the best possible, kind regards, Jenny
Definitely a good place to let off steam, Dean, many people are in the same boat and will understand exactly where you're coming from! Welcome to the forum :)
Thank you for your kind replies,

They are at school so it does relief some of the stress, and I try and use that time to do something for my leisure, but after I have done the housework, arranged doctors,hospitals, medicines,shopping etc it's time to pick em up from school, then dinner and away we go again, you just can not switch off at all, trust me I did it once and everything just piled up and became far to much. Routine is key and being organised, having to be 3 moves in front and anticipate every little thing that might or might not happen so you are prepaired for it. You find yourselve thinking for everyone else, but yourselve, and when I want to do something for myself, I'm just to fried to do any of it.
The whole situation is made worse by our housing. Bed bound as she cannot move around in her wheelchair. If she could get to things to use I would not be need ed so much, still be needed but she would have more independence. Instead it's like, if she needs a fork I have to walk to the kitchin and get it for her, so you can imagine all those little things. And it's all those little things that build up.

I'm so glad I'm here, thank you all
Hi Dean I so relate to your post! I am also 34 I only have 1 child but am caring for my long term partner he is 36 and has a condition called cystic fibrosis...it was manageable until about 6yrs ago, when the CF really took hold.
He is now awaiting his 2nd liver transplant but over the years has had various issues/illnesses related to the CF.. he used to work and be so active but is very tired most of time now and hadn't been able to work for almost 7yrs now... I find it tough and am definitely on auto pilot alot..and have many conflicting feelings about what's happened to our lives... I'm glad there are forums like this where people can vent and be honest!