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Need Some Advice - Carers UK Forum

Need Some Advice

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Not sure if this is the right place to post but me and my mom live with and care for my elderly gran and it's got to the point where we really are struggling. Shes 88 and has numerous health problems rheumatoid arthritis in her knees, incontinence, cataracts, shes deaf and just general aches and pains. Her routine is basically me and my mom putting her in and out of bed and her chair, taking her to the bathroom and changing her and making her drinks and give her her medication. Theres a lot of lifting which is taking its toll on our backs and of a night she'll literally wail for us to help so sleep is becoming non existent and shes become very woh is me and is very rude when we do help especially to my mom who she seems to hate at the moment. That gets to my mom and shes starting to snap at her which I totally understand as shes breaking so I've become the sounding block.

We had carers in at one point but they were coming early in the morning for only 15mins and its seemed pointless as we would have to wake up to let them in so we scrapped that. Like I said before it's got to the point now where we are shattered and need proper help. Theres no family members who are willing to help they look the other way including my brother who lives with us. I had a few questions regarding the situation.

1: I am just about to finish my Christmas temp job and wondered is there anything I can claim as a second carer. My mom receives carers allowance and i know 2 people cant get that but is there anything else I can apply for? My plan was to find another job but I'm so worried about my mom being on her own with gran I dont know what to do for the best.

2: Can we get carers to come in and be with her longer so my mom and I can get a break longer than 15 minutes. Can you get respite for a holiday etc?

3: This is a last resort but would going down the care home route be the best option. I always said no as I'm scared it would kill her as shes so set in her ways and home comforts but it's got to that point where its skimming my mind every day.

Any advice on this situation would he helpful.
Just a few quick questions to start with, the answers will help us tailor our replies.
When did nan last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you and mum Carers Assessments?
Did you all get written copies?
How old at you and mum?
Who owns the home?
Does mum have Power of Attorney?
Does nan have over £23,000 in savings?
1: I am just about to finish my Christmas temp job and wondered is there anything I can claim as a second carer. My mom receives carers allowance and i know 2 people cant get that but is there anything else I can apply for? My plan was to find another job but I'm so worried about my mom being on her own with gran I dont know what to do for the best.

Benefits / Allowances ?

An online Benefits Calculator ... once you input some figures , the results will reveal what's available out there :

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

( Eat / heat / roof ... in CarerLand , known as the Unholy Trinity ... someone has to provide all three ... or ... do their best to ? )


2: Can we get carers to come in and be with her longer so my mom and I can get a break longer than 15 minutes. Can you get respite for a holiday etc?


Interlocking ... your start point being both a Needs and a Carers Assessment through your LA.

Links for both ... setting out what they are :

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-ca ... ssessment/

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

Don't delay ... waiting times ... a real post code lottery.

( I assume that monies are NOT available to buy in outside care support ??? )

3: This is a last resort but would going down the care home route be the best option. I always said no as I'm scared it would kill her as shes so set in her ways and home comforts but it's got to that point where its skimming my mind every day.


This is where BB's questions come into play.

I won't preempt anything , just wait for replies to be received.

Suffice to add , the basics ... set out comprehensively by AGE UK :

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-ad ... are-homes/
Sophie_1912 wrote:
Thu Dec 26, 2019 3:07 am
There's a lot of lifting which is taking its toll on our backs
Your local Occupational Therapist should be able to provide a hoist, you shouldn't be lifting your Gran.

Who's going to look after her when you injure your back?
Who's going to look after you when you injure your back?
Who's going to look after both Mum and Gran if Mum injures her back?

I could easily lift my wife, once or twice, but on a regular basis it wouldn't work, I use a hoist all the time.
bowlingbun wrote:
Thu Dec 26, 2019 6:13 am
Just a few quick questions to start with, the answers will help us tailor our replies.
When did nan last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you and mum Carers Assessments?
Did you all get written copies?
How old at you and mum?
Who owns the home?
Does mum have Power of Attorney?
Does nan have over £23,000 in savings?
So she last had a needs assessment I think the start of the year as she did have a stint in hospital last Christmas, I think we might have it written somewhere. I am 26 my mom is 60 and she has full power of attorney and I'm pretty sure she doesnt as everything is in my moms name now as gran doesnt leave the house but she does have a pension think that's an attendance allowance.
That all sounds fairly good. (If it was a council rented home the circumstances could be very different).

It's time to get SSD to update those assessments as soon as possible. Make sure you and mum don't fall into the trap of saying you don't need carers because the previous lot weren't any good.
Nan really needs a TEAM of people looking after her day and night, not just mum.
Either SSD provide substantially more help in the home so you can all get some sleep and rest, or nan needs to move into residential care. My own mum was too frail to live at home in the last year of her life, when I was disabled.

Under no circumstances should you be doing so much manual lifting. SSD need to arrange an occupational therapist visit asap.

It was lovely being able to visit her (just down the road from my place) and see that she was well cared for without me having an endless list of jobs to do. We both enjoyed having a proper mother/daughter relationship again.

Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare to you - free health and social care, which would pay any care home fees if granted, but it's a bit of a postcode lottery I'm afraid.
Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare to you - free health and social care, which would pay any care home fees if granted, but it's a bit of a postcode lottery I'm afraid.


They have ... now ?

Main thread :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998

Post code lottery ?

More like rationing ... by design ?

Whole thread on that one ... if needed ?

So she last had a needs assessment I think the start of the year as she did have a stint in hospital last Christmas, I think we might have it written somewhere.


Reads as if the care plan ... part of that Needs Assessment ... needs updating to reflect the deterioration in health ???

What has it to say for itself ?

Outside care being delivered as per said care plan ???
OT can provide hoist, commode and slide sheets to help with transfers and toileting.