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Narcissist Father Making Mum's Life a Misery - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Narcissist Father Making Mum's Life a Misery

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MrsAverage wrote:
Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:02 am
Hi Worried DD and welcome
I have a 96 year old Mum in a residential care home where plenty of good nutritious food is available but over the past few months she has started saying nothing tastes of anything and eating very little. However we aren't concerned as we realise that appetite changes and fades. We couldn't give 2 hoots if she has vitamins, protein and calcium for example, her body is not going to grow or strengthen any more. Whats the point in vitamjns building good bones when she can no longer walk any way?
Like a lot of the residents she prefers softer sweeter things such as yoghurt, ice cream, custard, soup. We prefer her to be contented rather than force her into eating something she doesn't want or need. As the very elderly get older their needs and likes do change. No one in her Home eats the portions someone young and active would, but most of them tuck in to a good pudding
In my personal opinion I think a decreasing appetite is part of the process towards end of life, and its natural. It's only modern society that is so hung up on nutrition and forgets the normal circle of life.
Imho, if Mum ensures Dad is offered food but he then refuses it that is ok. No one can blame her or make her responsible for his choices.
Oh, you might want to get his teeth checked, just in case there's something sore, and to reassure yourselves

He doesn't just 'refuse' the food (and she is not 'forcing' him to eat it) - he rants and raves because he can't eat it and demands she supplies him with something that he can eat. That's not quite the same thing. I would not be worried at all if he just sat there, compliantly and said he didn't want to eat it. Fine. The problem is his temper and his constant demands, which are wearing us all down. Thank you for your comment.
If he can't come up with a list of what he could/would like to eat, then maybe, they should eat in separate rooms. You Mum could serve up and leave him his meal with a fortisip and whatever he last did like e.g. shepherds pie and veg with a fortisip and a fromage frais as the alternative. Or, give him ready meals - then when he turns his nose up, its less personal, as she hasn't just slaved trying to make something he will like only to have him turn his nose up at it.

Is the temper and moods something new, or was he always like this?

Here's a link to eating problems for those with dementia. I know he may or may not be in this category, but swallowing problems are common symptoms
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-suppo ... tent-start
"Rants and Raves..." That's very different. Can you film him doing this? It might be the best way of getting the GP to take things more seriously. It's worked well for others here.
Hi WorriedDD,
Your thread has reminded me of something in my own medical history. Many years ago, I was given some medication which played havoc with my ability to eat. Everything tasted and smelt horrible. I couldn’t face even the mildest and non aromatic food even though I was hungry. Changed the medication and all went back to normal.
I just wondered whether any of your Dad’s medication could possibly be having such a ‘side effect’ on him. Is it worth checking out? Have you mentioned this problem to his GP? There may be a reason why he is having difficulty other than bad moods or MH. It’s possible. Google ‘Medication affecting taste’.