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My sister and mum have betrayed me and my partner. - Carers UK Forum

My sister and mum have betrayed me and my partner.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
When I went round to my mother's as usual on Sunday night to look after her she told me that she now required my sister to care for her. I asked for an explanation and she said 'I don't want to talk about it' and that my sister 'is her favourite' which was an awful thing to say.She asked me to leave so I did. On yesterday morning I received a phone call from my sister asking how I was-AWFUL and distraught thanks!-and said 'sorry it turned out this way'. My partner and I are understandably VERY upset about this situation as there was absolutely no indication that this was going to happen,and we feel betrayed and hurt.
My partner and I have cared for my mother for over 2 years and have done everything for her,as opposed to my sister who prior to this did very little, very begrudgingly, and often-and still does- wishes my mother dead.
The money which my mother paid my partner and I for her care was a lifeline;although we run our own business, times are tough and we are struggling financially.Even more so now.We simply cannot comprehend how nasty my mother and sister have been to us;their behaviour is unforgiveable.
Since Sunday's bombshell, my partner and I have become increasingly concerned that my sister and her partner are out to undermine mum and may be exerting influence to control her finances for their ultimate gain. We are not being paranoid, nor is this a far-fetched notion ,as historically they are both, especially my sister, extremely money oriented and would resort to any means to benefit financially. My partner and I are especially concerned that they may be trying to coerce mum to change her will-which is difficult as it is a joint will drawn up with our now deceased father,but not impossible.We also have concerns regarding my sister's position as one of the Attorneys for the finance and property side of LPA. The LPA application is for'Jointly and Severally'. I have been informed by the OPG that my sister could not sell mum's house without consulting me(I am the other named Attorney) whilst she has mental capacity, but there is nothing to stop her influencing mum to turn against my partner and I,as this is obvious form this sudden change in care arrangements. Has anyone else experienced this kind of situation? What could be done?
Hi Sue ... extremely quiet on the forum as I type.

( No responses to our replies in your previous thread ? https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... 10#p402410 )

It seems that the current situation needs expert advice to resolve ... a solicitor specialising in family law ... especially if
the joint agents of a power of attorney are at loggerheads.

Difficult to see how we on the forum can help beyond the day to day caring aspects.

" Paid by mother to care ? " ... I trust by the book ( Employer / employee ... TaxMan ) to save any problems down the line ...
especially if a move into residential care was ever on the menu ?

Just a couple of thoughts ... others will be along to add their insights.
Hi Chris! Thanks for your reply.My apologies for not replying to you and the others who have responded to my other posts.
Yes, this is a VERY nasty situation indeed. It has taken me the best part of 48 hours to stop crying and feeling desolate. I am just baffled how kind hearted people like me and Frank my partner get dumped on all the time.A true case of Orwell's 'boot stamping on the face of humanity forever'! My mum paid Frank and I an allowance twice yearly;the money went to Frank, and I claimed for Carer's Allowance so I never exceeded the permitted amount.
I appreciate your comment that other forum members can only really give guidance regarding care issues,but I was so desperate earlier on that I thought by 'reaching out' to others who may have had experienced a similar scenario that they may be able to offer advice. I have realised that I may have to resort to obtaining legal guidance about this situation;what I am trying to do is establish the legalities pertaining to LPA and joint wills just in case things do escalate-which I suspect they will.So, at least with some kind of knowledge and back up I will be able to deal with matters in an appropriate way.It is just so very difficult when my other family members choose to act in such an appalling manner but do not want to face up to the consequences.As we all know, being a carer involves all family members and there needs to be dialogue.
Kind regards, Sue.
Your welcome , Sue.

As for expert advice , why not make your first call the CAB ?

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

( They must really love us ... the sheer volume of problems we send their way ? )

Opinions / guidance are one thing ... expert advice another ?

Rely on the former and get unstuck along the way ?

Whatever transpires , you know where we are.
Sue
I think you need legal advice asap. I've never heard of a joint will. We recently 're did our wills and the solicitor told us to review it on every death, birth, marriage or divorce and change of property of any one mentioned in it. That would mean Mum should have reviewed hers after Dad died
It sounds from what you say as though you do know deep down what sister is going to try to do.
Get legal help now
Also, if you know which bank mum deals with, alert them too, as they have a duty to protect vulnerable customers.

However, I am wondering if sister may decide it's too much bother when she realises how much care mum needs?!
My own family has fallen apart after my mum died, at least I no longer have to be polite to them for mum's sake!